(Date of this: 11/19/2010 – does not necessarily reflect current views.)
Only, not really. There are multiple levels to what I’m seeking, and multiple levels of uncertainty and confusion regarding how those situations could work.
First, there is the ultimate ideal (aka I’m not really seeking this out right now, but the life-goal when it comes to my romance world) long term scenario. In this case, I would have a Dom who would also be my significant other. My Dom and I would be best friends, we would talk about anything and everything, laugh together, do fun activities together… We would challenge one another intellectually, go to movies and to the theater, etc. Throughout it all, I would know he was in control. He would listen to and value my opinion, and yet I would be submissive to him. I would do my best to please him. There may or may not be certain protocols or rules that we have set that I would follow.
We would incorporate occasional ‘scenes’ into our sex life, but essentially, sexually I would be his plaything. I would belong to him, knowing that he belonged to me as well. We would be monogamous. We may occasionally play in a non-sexual way with others, together or apart, but it would be fully informed. I would know my place with a look, a touch. Potentially, I would have a necklace as a collar that would be discrete but shared knowledge. Eventually, in time, this could lead to marriage and children.
Now, what’s the problem with my little idyllic world, you may ask? Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a tad bit busy. I’m also not permanently situated. I am moving to DC in a year, and that is just NOT conducive to things. Even with all that, I’m really not looking to settle down hard-core just yet… I don’t see marriage for a while off and kids even farther in the future. Settled down with one person, cool, but marriage is a bit too much for me right now (even thinking about it kinda skeeves me out…that’s how you know you’re not ready for it).
So, in the meantime, I’m flexible. I‘m open to a play partner situation, but it’s confusing. If two people are attracted to one other, have similar kink interests, get along well, etc. – where is the line between being and not being in a relationship? Is it the monogamy? The commitment? Where are the boundaries? Is sex involved?
That goes back to what I’m looking for: I am seeking male companionship. Preferably, that companionship would come with some bondage, potentially some sensation play, and general submission – I could really, really use the stress relief of surrender in my life. It helps me focus.
If I could find someone who makes me smile and laugh, who I could hang out with for vanilla and kink events, who happened to be Dominant and into rope/bondage/etc., that’d be great. I’m cool keeping it relatively low key, but I don’t want to catch things, and I attach meaning to sexual activity. If there is going to be sexual activity, I’d like there to be meaning for you too, not just another one night stand. So, if sex is involved, I’d like to be the only one you’re doing sexual things with; beyond that, I’m open to you playing with others and whatnot.
Would this be a boyfriend/girlfriend label? Play partners? Dom/sub? I have no clue, I’m too new to know where the hell that line is. I do know that I will not be in that mystery-label situation unless I respect the person enough to submit to them, and I will take on the people-pleasing submission role I am made for.
The bottom line is, that I’m pretty open and flexible right now. I’d really like an outlet for my submission, a place for my horny, and some cuddling… the laughing and intellectual stimulation or common interests would be a bonus. No matter what, though, I need boundaries. I need to know what to expect in terms of reciprocity of feelings, or whether or not it is ok to get attached; if it isn’t ok, and I know that from the beginning, things are still all good on my end.
I have needs, and I’d like to meet them. That said, I’m not desperate. I don’t have to fulfill these things completely; I can get by. I’m not going to play with just anyone, and I’m not going to allow liberties with just anyone. I have to like you, and I have to trust you. If I trust you right away, it may seem like I’m submitting rather quickly, but I rarely trust people right away. If you’re one of the few, feel privileged, it means you’ve impressed me and I’m attracted to you.