I really want to experience a full-out beating (spanking/caning/flogging/implement of Dom’s choosing). I’ve sampled each of the above, but I’ve never seen how much I could take. I’ve never explored what reactions I would have to an all-out experience, both emotionally and sexually.
I want to know if it will make me wet. I want to know if it would make me cry (which isn’t easy to do). I want to know how much it takes before I start having to vocalize the pain, rather than just take it in silence (which is my default).
I know I’m capable of handling quite a bit of pain. I want to push that limit. I don’t want to be beaten until I’m bleeding, but I want to explore that boundary.
I’d really like to find someone I trusted enough to not stop when I do start saying no. I want to be pushing until I’m on the edge of needing to safeword, pass out, or am all-out sobbing.
It seems extreme, but it’s a curiosity that won’t go away until explored, even if just the one time. I’m not sure that I’ll ever want to have that hard of a beating ever again. I’m sure there are ways to do the beating that will allow me to take it longer and for it to be more arousing, and I’m ok experiencing that aspect of it.
I’m really not big on pain, at least I don’t think I am. I can get more aroused from some pain, like clamps or the samplings of spanking/caning I’ve received, but it’s such a huge uncertainty for me. Blood skeeves me out, as do needles. Electro-play is a level I’d rather not try right way. I do want to explore the correlation between my arousal and pain, especially how they align as the pain level increases.
Even so, the idea of actually doing what I want (what’s listed above) kind of scares the hell out of me. It’ll take a hefty dose of trust and a skilled/observant partner. It will also take a certain comfort or intimacy level, because I can’t be inhibited about vocalization, which tends to happen when I’m not as familiar with someone. Unless the Dom is more observant than most or knows me well enough to make that a non-issue, but either way.