Do Dominant men get cravings for control?
Sometimes I find myself craving submission. As much as the kinky sex is a turn on, I crave the actual act of surrendering control.
Most frequently, this happens after life has been particularly stressful or busy. Essentially, when I’ve had to maintain large amounts of control and discipline over my life. Even if things aren’t particularly overwhelming, sometimes I just feel the need to surrender. Being successful and ambitious takes a lot of effort, and I’ve always been the planner of my friends, so I find myself in control a lot. I end up in charge of organizations, and it just takes a lot out of me, primarily because I’m always reticent to take the lead in the first place.
I lead organizations because there is no one else, or I know that the ideas I have are more broadly anticipated. I plan events because if I don’t, others might not and then I end up doing nothing. I have to tightly control my schedule and work habits, because if I don’t there is no way I will be able to manipulate my time to get everything done, and done well.
I have some great friends here in Pittsburgh, and sometimes I can let go and trust other people to get things done. It’s a great feeling. Even then, however, it tends to be smaller surrenders, and I have to maintain tight rein on everything else.
I crave the freedom of submission. Trusting my partner to make decisions, get things done, do things well. Knowing he has my best interests in mind, so that I don’t have to work so hard to do everything perfectly. Not having to try to please everyone, and being unclear of my success – having clear boundaries, and knowing if what I’m doing satisfies.
Again, I love the physical manifestations of power exchange. Suffering for my partner’s pleasure, pleasing him sexually, being at his whim, being restrained and tormented as he so desires… I love all of it. Pain as a disciplinary tool, desire as a reminder of who’s in control – I love how all of these things are implements of the D/s.
But, on the more mental level, I long for the genuine submission of control. With or without the rest of it – even something so simple as my Dom deciding what to do for the evening, serving him in subtle ways, letting him respond to outside pressures, and focusing entirely on his pleasure rather than everyone in the vicinity is enticing.
This brings me back to my original point : Do Dominant men feel these cravings too? Do they struggle to want to spank, paddle, restraint? Do they sometimes crave the deeper elements of D/s? How do they deal with these urges?