Night Terrors are, simply, Terrifying.

I feel like my mind was violated in the most awful way.  I’d say it was raped by the Devil…but that seems extreme. Last night I woke up at about 3:45 in a complete state of panic. If you’ve seen twilight 2, Bella has night terrors and screams bloody murder in her sleep. I used to make fun of that – I mean, really? Who screams like that in sleep? I woke myself up to that type of screaming in my dream. Apparently I hadn’t quite vocalized it yet, since my family didn’t come running in my room, but it was horrible. I was being suffocated – and I felt like I was going to die. My dream felt real. There were other aspects to the terror involving some bad childhood occurrences that I normally try not to think about.  I don’t know wtf happened – I’ve never dealt with a nightmare like that in my entire life.

What’s worse, is that I desperately wanted and needed someone to talk me down, give me some warm and fuzzies. I was nauseous, my heart was racing, I had hot flashes – and I stayed that way for an hour, afraid to go back to sleep. I couldn’t talk to my mom or sister, who were both awake, because they were the source of the terror. Worse, I was deathly afraid that one of them would come in my room. Even this morning, being near my mom is giving me the shakes in fear.

I’ve never been good at asking for help, and I hate putting people out. So, I didn’t call anyone. Anyone I could think to call, I would be waking up, and they all had to work in the morning. No one was online, at least not that I could see from my phone.  I just prayed and eventually fell asleep with a light on…normally I like it pitch black.

I need to figure out who I know that I could wake up without bothering them in the middle of the night if that ever happens again…and please God, I really hope it doesn’t.

If I’d had terrors like this when I was younger and crap actually was going on, maybe I would have told someone. But really, I’ve been able to manage it, so why cause trouble? But now, out of the blue, 12 years later, and I’m waking up to this crap. I don’t get it.

Advertisements

2 responses to “Night Terrors are, simply, Terrifying.

  1. Things repressed may cause problems later as may be in your case. Maybe as a child, your mind didn’t want to cope with it. Now that you are older, perhaps your brain and subconscious believes that you can handle it now and perhaps wants you too. I would recommend therapy. If you don’t want to go into why to anyone, then just tell your family that you are depressed and need therapy. Everyone nowadays goes to therapy for depression, so, you needn’t feel awkward. And…to let you know…I’m thinking of you. HUGS!!!

  2. Thing is, though, I’m not depressed. At all. Actually, I’m kind of loving life right now more than I ever have before. Everything is going super well.

    I’m not sure, but I’m thinking it is spending too much time home with the family. I haven’t been home this long in years, and my family has always been the source of any issues in my life.

    Thanks for the hugs though! Much needed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s