Not really, unless classes on Friday make it sad.
But, I can’t go to kinky happy hour tonight, which bums me out a bit. I really wanted to check out the bar it’s being held at, and it’s the last chance to mingle in a public, non-threatening setting before the play party next weekend.
I’m signed up for the play party, and I am supposed to be helping at the registration desk for a while. I *do* know people attending…like, out of 130, I know maybe 9 or 10. I don’t really know anyone very well, though, which makes it intimidating as hell. People are going to get naked and get kinky, and I’m not so sure how I fit into that. I wouldn’t mind playing, maybe, but I can’t see myself asking someone to do so. I really don’t want to just stand around and awkwardly watch the entire time, though.
It’s like a big kinky networking event or orientation meeting. I HATE walking in alone. It is the absolute worst part. I like having a security blanket person with me. When I have someone with me, I am funny, charming, and myself from moment 1. When I am alone, I am shy, nervous, and awkward until moment 25.
Ick. I need someone to go to this event with, rather than alone, but I don’t really even know how to go about that. I don’t want to cancel last minute – I paid money for this and I’ve committed to helping. But, I’m afraid and nervous. This is why I didn’t attend kinky events for so long, until I knew someone else who could come with.
I realize people aren’t scary, and are nice. Telling my inner psyche that, though, rarely works prior to an intimidating social situation.
I am now committed to the registration table. I have to get there at 6pm to be briefed on the rules, and then at 8:30 I help out. This will ensure my attendance, even if I’m awkward and shy the entire time.
Also, there is another non-threatening event this week I can go to before 4P! Kinky game night. Hopefully I can make that happen.