Kinky Event ‘o the Week

Game night, round two = success. Met more fun people, got to learn a new fun game and kicked ass at Disney trivia, etc.

Again, though, as with (seemingly) most events, I end the evening craving something. Tonight, I’m craving pain. I still find it strange to admit that; craving pain just sounds so screwed up to my vanilla/good-girl self. Even so, after being teased a lot (deservedly, I was more than a little snarky tonight) by sadists, pain crosses my mind.

In some ways, I’m still so naive. I blush when vocalizing sexual desires. When a man paints a graphic picture of a sensual scene, it stays in mind and gets to me. I don’t hear things like that frequently. In Indiana, sex isn’t discussed, and if it is, it’s only in the crudest/most humorous of ways. Having someone tell me an idea of what they’d do to me, even if offhand to them, affects me. Even if I don’t know the person that well!

Of course, if I felt totally creeped out/offended by said person, if the vibes were super-off, or it was a dingy bar, etc., this wouldn’t hold true. I’d get pissed, slapping may be involved, and submissive-me would be nowhere around.

When it’s with “normal” folks that have friendly-over-creepy vibes, however, I end up like I am now: craving pain, torment, however you want to depict it.

I don’t know if these feelings are a good or a bad bonus of the kinky social events. In a way, it’s refreshing, and it’s part of the appeal (not needing to hide or hold back). I’m not sure if I “got used to it” if it would affect me less, and I don’t know that I’d want it to affect me less.

It even brings me back to casual play questions. More and more, I feel like I’d be ok with a polyamorous situation, at least in terms of casual play partners. Again, only with honesty. But, I don’t need serious commitment, just safety and attraction. I’d even be open to being in a couple and playing with others occasionally. Long term poly relationship, adding in a third, etc., maybe not so much. Friends with play benefits incorporated occasionally into the mix? Maybe yes.

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