Hot Topics: Polyamory and Religion


Long commutes give me way too much time to deliberate on things. I love reading, but sometimes I get motion sickness on the Metro so I just sit and think.

I’ve been thinking a lot about polyamorous relationships lately. It seems like more and more of my friends and acquaintances (even some vanilla ones) are in poly relationships, or at the very least are open to open relationships. The reasoning, when given, varies. Some folks believe there is no way one person can be everything to another. Others believe that love cannot be limited, defined, and controlled by mere humans, and so are open to accepting love in whichever forms it comes in. Some others seem to just have no jealousy and feel no need to stay committed to one person. I’m sure there are many, many more reasons that I’m not representing here, but these are the most frequently quoted amongst those I know.

I don’t really know how I feel about it. My past serious relationships have always been monogamous, and I always thought that would be my interest. That said, if you really trust someone and communicate well with them, then jealousy is a non-issue.

I don’t really know the best way to represent my views on this to others. For any type of casual relationship, I’m totally fine with poly or monogamy. For something long-term and serious, I’m unclear. It all just requires a mental refocusing of sorts, a shaking off of what society says is ok.


Then, the second thing on my mind a lot recently has been religion. One of my roommates is actually in the process of breaking up with a man she loves because he is an atheist, and she is very, very serious about her faith. I don’t partake in any organized religion, but I do find solace and strength in God.

When it comes to religion, I don’t know all the details. I just know that I don’t see a condemning God. God fills in where science is uncertain. Anyhow, I’m not certain to what extent I need to share these beliefs with a partner. I think people have the right to believe as they will. I think that multiple religions and ways of life can lead to the same outcomes. I respect atheists’ right to believe that way, and I understand the questions that lead to that position. I don’t have the answers to those questions either, at least nothing beyond feeling.

Sometimes, I think it’d be nice for my partner to have faith, but at the same time, I’m so outside of any organized religion that I have no idea what faith they would have that would mesh with my beliefs. I don’t know how raising kids in religion is better than without; my catholic/jewish upbringing did nothing for my spirituality or morals.  What benefit would my partner’s beliefs add to my life that would make it a key point in our relationship? More importantly, what would they give me that they couldn’t provide without faith?

I don’t know that it matters. I find it incredibly difficult to believe that, if there is an afterlife, people will be condemned even if they lived an upstanding life. That doesn’t make sense to me. I also don’t want to justify things purely because I want them to be that way.

At the end of the day, I feel like if I have chemistry with someone, and intellectual connection, mutual respect, and whatnot, then faith shouldn’t stand in the way. For now, I’m just going to be entirely accepting and see what happens. Take life as it comes is my go-to approach, so that’s how it’ll be.

On the less serious side:

  • I’m still debating rope camp v. fetfest.
  • The book “Bonk” by Mary Roach is amazingly fascinating – did you know that the gag reflex disappears during peak arousal? Handy knowledge, that.
  • Work is challenging and interesting, though my procrastination can be an issue. More work means more productivity, and I need to passively communicate that to my supervisors.
  • I’m debating a new cell phone for when my plan expires in August, but I’ve no idea which to get. I want a smart phone, but not an iphone, and I want a keyboard. First world problems.
  • I found a perfect rope bondage outfit this weekend : soft tank top, cotton shorts or spandex shorts. Exposing but private, soft, and won’t get in the way of the rope.

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