Conflicting Forces

I feel like there are lots of things that are confusing me right now, both professionally and personally.

First, I keep going back and forth between what I was raised to think and what my friends think to what is the norm in the kinky community, in terms of poly, playing with others, sex outside of relationships, etc. There are just so many different ways you can live your life, and at the end of the day only you can make those decisions.

On top of that, I have no idea where I want to be in 5 years, if I’m going to enjoy the next 9 months at my new job, or what sector (private, public, etc) suits me best. I am answering so many questions with “I don’t know” lately, and it drives me bonkers. I like having a plan, having goals, knowing expectations. I feel like this year is just pushing me out of my comfort zone in so many ways.

I know that it’s ok, that’s it’s just how life is, and that it’ll all work out. I’m sure opportunity will find it’s way to me and I’ll figure my shit out at some point, it’s just weird in the in-between. On the surface, everything is right on track to success in both my personal and private lives (and I’m very happy with my life right now, if stressed), but I don’t know the best way to pursue continued success and move forward whilst still also being unsure of my exact destination.

In the rest of randoms:

  • Started the new job, though it’s just been paperwork thus far. I’m more worried about it being an introverted, anti-social environment, but hopefully it will be fun.
  • Classes continue, I’m already behind. I’ve also determined that I need to read for budget policy after the class, otherwise the class is repetitive and boring as hell.
  • I had a great weekend full of socializing and fun activities with a variety of different people. I was all set for a weekend full of lovely one-on-one time with myself, errands, chores, and getting my act together post-traveling. Instead, I literally spent every moment with people. It was great, but now I’m behind on life things.
  • –With the above, I drank kind of a lot (for me) on Saturday night. It was interesting. If you ever want my high school self to reemerge (read: see me sing and dance), all it takes is some flip cup. I’m a terrible lightweight with alcohol, and I become much more outgoing. I also laugh a lot, but since I do that anyways, that’s not a big shocker.
In the days to come, I’m going to update my new DC bucket list and general one. I’m very certain about the many things to do here! I know I’ll have very little time to do them all, but here’s to trying :).

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