Ice Ice Baby

My apartment is frigid. We have no heat currently, my room has two huge windows, and my room is very large. Combined, it’s ice cold. I’m wearing sweatshirts and every blanket I have, and I’m still cold.

I’m also craving pain like an addict. I’m longing for a good, intense flogging/paddling/whipping. While I adore nipple pain and torment, it’s an entirely different type of endorphin and feeling. It’s been a long time since my limits have been pushed with implements.

It’s getting to the point when I’ve got things planned several weeks out…time is seriously flying. Craziness! I only have two more classes of budget policy, which is pretty amazing. Then we switch to global health.

I keep going back and forth between being afraid of and nervous about a long term D/s relationship versus excited (as opposed to purely a bedroom thing or simple bottoming). Power exchange has huge appeal to me, and on many levels I think it would be very liberating. On the other hand, when I’m as busy as I am now I could see myself getting easily frustrated by rules and priorities and just generally getting pissed off by an expectation that I would submit. At the same time, when I’m most likely to feel like that, I’m most likely to need a good pain session…so maybe it’d all work out?

I’m almost afraid to try. You spend all this time thinking you want something, but really, who knows without trying it? What happens if I try it and it doesn’t work for me at all? I almost feel traitorous entering into a relationship when I’m uncertain about the nature of it. I guess I’m still trying to figure out what balance of D/s and vanilla I need to maximize happiness for all involved. I’m comforted by my young age – I know I at least have time to figure it out. I’m really in no hurry at all.

In other randoms…I bought a new raincoat and super cute heeled boots this weekend, I got paid (even though 1/4 was taken for taxes 😦 ), I got to spend time with a variety of good friends over the last few days, and I’m still doing well at work. I also finally got to catch up with my friend whose mom died, which was a relief. I’m glad she’s making it through ok.

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