Pre-Fetish Ball

DC Fetish Ball is tonight. I really don’t own any fetish clothing…it’s now becoming an issue. I always go back to the same debate – the clothes that I have that are sexiest are not really great for playing in. I can wear my corset with tights and a skirt, but then if I want to do any form of impact play on my back, it’s hard to feel through the corset and I don’t feel comfortable taking it off entirely in this setting. I’m not going to be nude at an event that is open to people outside the scene. I can wear this sexy red thing I have, but the way it’s cut, only one bra works with it.  Then I’m back at the meh clothing, aka stuff that looks nice, but isn’t really anything super sexy or kinky. Grr.

I’m a bit nervous, as I always am. I know several people attending, and I’m excited for the opportunity to learn more about electric stuff, knives, and floggers. I know there will be opportunities for play, which is fun. I’m hoping it will be easy to establish my boundaries of no-nude in this public a space, no sex, etc. I’m just not too sure on how it’s all going to work out. It’s definitely a learning process for me. I do feel a little bit heathen-ish, especially since it is Sunday, and my roommates will be coming home from church as I leave to attend this event.

In other news, this weekend has been chock-full of productivity. I did 5 loads of laundry (sheets and towels were included – don’t judge me), I took my car for a full inspection, oil change, etc. I got my brakes adjusted, new windshield wipers, my tires rotated and filled with air, and chips in my windshield fixed. I also learned that I need to fix the control arms on my car, which is going to be like $1,000…not so good news. I finally bought lamps for my room, so now I can see at night. It makes things much homier. I still need a chair though.

I also bought some vitamins and a scale. I figured if I’m going to keep up my dieting and all this loveliness, I should be doing so in the most healthy way possible. I’ve lost 8lbs in a month, which is great. I’m more focusing on being in better shape and healthy than superficial numbers. I’m not unhealthy – my blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. is all in order and always has been. That said, I’ve been getting headaches a lot more just recently, and I’m debating working up to doing some form of 5K or half marathon. I’m a relatively competitive person, and I’ve always focused that energy towards accomplishing my academic and professional goals. Now that I’ve really come close to accomplishing those things, I need new goals. I think focusing my competitive and ambitious energy on working out and training will be better in the long run.

I’ve really grown a lot in the last few months. I’m coming into my own. I’m a lot more confident and secure, and I’m more self aware. I am now just working on asserting my opinion and my boundaries with men. I always want to please, which sometimes leads to me ignoring what I actually want for myself. That’s an area I’m working on.

In a separate random, I’ve got a killer blister on my foot. It’s really impeding in my ability to wear my new boots, which is pissing me off. Grr. BUT, I got the blister from walking back to the office from the Hill, where I got to attend a briefing. And next week, I’ll get to do part of the briefing myself :). I love being part of the political process. I learned at work about our ethical code last week, and how I can never have an opinion or anything like that (independent agency that lives in a glass box), so I like being involved in the ways I can be.

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