If you want to play with me, below are some things that you should know. If I don’t know you/that’s not your goal, there really is absolutely no point in continuing to read this post.
updated 2/20/12, original 3/28/11
It’s important that I know I’m respected by you, despite my reactions and what you do to me. I won’t open up or really relax if I’m worried about you judging me.
I must respect you, trust you, and know that you aren’t creepy. Knowing other people who know you, seeing you out and about in the community, etc. are things that aid in this.
I have to know that you are enjoying yourself. If I think you’re doing things purely because I want them, and not because you enjoy doing them, I feel guilty and like I’m a burden.
If our play involves anything beyond rope practice in a public space/learning environment, I need to have some sort of connection with you. I’m not ok with being played with purely because I’m available, and I don’t appreciate being made to feel like that. Negotiating a scene, checking in, asking before touching me sexually if we’ve never played that way before, talking to me a bit before/after, etc. are all little ways to make something more intimate and less booty call-esque. Basically, treat me like a human being when interacting with me, and I need to actually like you as a human being to do anything.
I want my limits pushed. I enjoy seeing how much I can take, what positions I can contort myself into. I am competitive and relatively stubborn, and this falls into it. While it not easy for me to beg or safeword, if it is truly too much for me I will do so.
If I’m uncontrollably shaking or shuddering (whether it be after intense pain play or anything else), it’s usually in a very good way. Don’t worry.
I react very strongly to play, but often in non-verbal ways. As I get more comfortable with you and my surroundings, I can get more vocal should that be seen as a good thing. If my lack of noise leaves you uncertain as to my reaction, ask, and I will blushingly get all flustered, but I will be perfectly honest. In the meantime, see the above comment about shuddering. My breathing will also change as I enjoy things more.
My neck, ears, scalp/hair are extraordinarily sensitive. My neck is also very ticklish. There is a fine, fine line between tickling and amazingly enjoyable caressing of my neck, but please don’t let that keep you from touching that area.
I enjoy struggling and being fought down in the takedown kind of way. Call it my inner cave-woman. Basically, I like knowing I can’t win. Similarly, I like being in bondage that I can’t escape – if I can struggle and not get out (whether it be rope or your arms), that pushes all of my buttons.
I am a bit of a snarky, sarcastic brat. Comes with the personality. That said, when I find (or am informed of) a boundary, I respect it.
It’s highly likely that I will want to move slower on sexual things than other people you play with, especially relative to the rest of the kinky community. I’m very choosy with who and how I sexually interact with others.
I am not an exhibitionist. I can sometimes enjoy doing things in public if it’s a skill I’ve developed well (showing flexibility in a tie, etc.), but in general I’ve never gotten past feeling like things that make me respond sexually or involve full naked-ness should be private. That said, I can and do participate in kinky play in public as it tends to be the safest space for a single female bottom to do so. I don’t, however, tend to get very sexual if it’s sexual at all in those public situations.
I have varying levels of climax, and can often get full satisfaction from a series of small shuddering climaxes. I don’t need an earth-shattering, scream-inducing orgasm to enjoy myself. In general, I prefer that my orgasm not necessarily be the end-goal of a scene, especially if the scene is in a space that is at all public. Call it performance anxiety, see above thing on exhibitionism.
I’m open to non-sexual kinky play with select females. This is something I’d be most comfortable with if I was interacting with a couple, rather than with a female one-on-one.