We have #ballgagsuccess

After last week’s #ballgagfail, I now have success! The new gag I got actually fits. Turns out the 1.75” ball works. I don’t know who the hell thought a 2″ diameter ball would work. As an interesting FYI, you drool a lot if sitting up or lying face down, but lying on your back just means tiny bouts of panic as you try to awkwardly swallow. But I did learn something; namely, gags can be incredibly hot.

The first time I tried a gag was by myself, and it was basic. It was more for practicality than anything, but it did turn me on a bit at the time, it just wasn’t something I really thought about more back then. The second time I tried a gag was with someone I’d never played with before, and the intensity level didn’t match the trust level. So, while I found it really arousing, my fear/panic outweighed that in that situation.  I’d learned through other forms of play that biting down lets me take more pain/express my pleasure (much in the ways that grabbing or raking fingernails does), but still hadn’t really put that into practice, at least not until recently. I’ve played with gags more now in situations with someone I trust more, and it’s been really hot.

On one level, I enjoy being gagged because it allows me to beg without being ashamed of it. I think begging (or more accurately stated, the act of being reduced to begging) to be incredibly sexy. I like the power it indicates my partner holds over me. I like being forced to surrender to his power by having to beg for my own pleasure. That said, I’m a really stubborn, relatively prideful, independent woman and begging does NOT come naturally. Asking for things in the bedroom is incredibly difficult for me. When I’m alone, to my imaginary lover? I beg away. In the moment? I’m usually afraid to vocalize anything, for fear of saying the wrong thing, the act being inappropriate, someone unintentionally overhearing things, or generally just vocally acknowledging my surrender. It’s hard for me. So, conundrum – it’s really hard, but I find it really hot.

Were the power dynamic there with a regular partner, I’m sure he could coerce me into getting over the hard part, but for the time being that hasn’t been an option. Gags fix this! When I’m gagged, I’m already incredibly vulnerable. There is no denying it. In comparison, the embarrassment associated with begging seems inconsequential. Even more, if I’m begging or talking, chances are that my partner won’t be able to make out what I’m saying. Knowing that what I’m saying is obscured makes me feel safe, somehow, and I’m more inclined to beg or make noise. Weird, but true. So, I get all the hotness of begging, and an increased hotness by knowing how futile the begging is because it likely isn’t understood well.

Another thing about gags is the drool, which kind of horrified me for a while. I’m a very clean person, and I hate being dirty. I’m not OCD about it, but I don’t like stickers on my skin, or being sticky or covered in mud, etc. I can let go and deal with it for fun activities like mud volleyball or camping, but overall, not my thing. Drooling is innately messy. Even more, who in our society drools? Invalids, the elderly, and babies. I don’t want to be grouped with them by my partner. That’s the real crux of it; I wouldn’t mind it if I were alone (as I realized last night), but I don’t want my partner to think I’m a nasty mess. That said, drooling just indicates how purely helpless you are, which is incredibly hot to me. It may sometimes be embarrassing or awkward, but the helplessness I feel turns me on more than I can even describe. If I’m confident that my partner doesn’t think it’s disgusting, than I can really relax into it and enjoy it. And if my partner enjoys it? Than the hotness I’d feel anyway is just multiplied tenfold.

All that aside, my favorite rope position is a hogtie because of the complete inability to move. I like being totally helpless, barely able to squirm. I’m now really curious about trying that with a gag, and maybe with a blindfold. The helplessness of that situation appeals greatly. The total lack of control and supplication to my partner’s will makes me hot. The blindfold could stay or go; on the one hand, it’s even less control (hot), but on the other hand my partner’s eyes can be reassuring, steamy, or make me feel even more vulnerable, all of which are equally hot. On my to-do list!

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