It’s been over a year since I’ve posted about what I’m looking for, and well, a lot has changed. I’ve dated several different folks, some seriously, some involving power exchange. I’ve played much more frequently, made many more kinky friends, and attended a bunch more events. In general, I’ve gained confidence, experience, and knowledge about myself and my desires. The biggest lesson from all of that – I’m still figuring it out. I have no idea what labels best apply for me or what I’m looking for. In the meantime, some things hold true.
First and foremost, I’m still looking to make meaningful friendships with like-minded people. Should that involve or evolve into a play partner scenario, great. Friends who play together stay together :). As long as I know it’s not a romantic thing and is a play thing up front, play partner situations work for me. Sex may or may not be included in that type of relationship, depending on the chemistry, safety, and comfort with the person and our respective romantic situations.
Second, I’m always looking for people to do rope with. If we can laugh together and there’s a decent comfort level, I’m definitely interested in rope bottoming, and sometimes I may even agree to tie folks up myself. Rope can be with any gender, for fun, mental release, practice, or more than that, depending on the person/people I’m doing it with.
Third, I’m looking for a kinky boyfriend. I want to find someone intelligent with an active sense of humor. Preferably, this person would be able to hang out with my vanilla and my kinky friends, and would share common interests. At the very least, this guy has to be relatively adventurous. In a perfect world, this person would be into rope/bondage and sadistic, and would not already be in another serious romantic relationship.* Unlike past parts of life, I’m seeking something that could potentially be more serious. I’m finally at a place in my life where I have the time and energy to be actively, regularly involved with one person.
The big points here are that 1) I’m actually ok with being in a more serious relationship, which until now I really haven’t felt prepared for given my schedule and commitments, and 2) I’m no longer seeking a power exchange relationship.
In general, I’ve been feeling less submissive and more switchy as time has gone on. While I still feel submissive with some people, it’s rare, and it’s limited. I’m more than willing to be submissive in the bedroom as part of my relationship, but I do want to be able to play around and occasionally struggle for power or turning the tables. While I’m a people pleaser and I generally avoid arguments and try to make my partner happy in lots of little ways, I also am not ok with being bossed around mindlessly or being micromanaged. The thought of a M/s or 24/7 D/s relationship stresses me out more than it appeals to me at this point.
*It isn’t a perfect world. As such, the “into rope/bondage,” “sadistic,” and “not already involved” parts are kind of flexible.
1) Rope and bondage are definitely huge turn-ons for me, even so much as to approach fetish level. Despite that, again, I wouldn’t say that they are at this point necessary to my happiness so much as enhancers of it.
2) The sadistic part would be great. I like pain, and I have a lot of fun playing with it. That said, at this point in my life I haven’t determined it to be a necessary thing so much as an added bonus one. Until I discover otherwise, it’s part of my ideal relationship but isn’t a requirement of all potential relationships.
3) My take on polyamory is constantly evolving. For play partner scenarios or more casual relationships, I’m fine with things being open or getting involved with people as their secondary (or whatever) partners. That said, for me to commit my heart fully to someone, I do need to be their primary partner, and levels of openness or monogamy can be discussed between the two of us. I’m inclined to say that I’m monogamous for LTRs, but it really all depends on the person I’m in a relationship with, the trust level, and the type of poly/openness.