Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
I really dislike it when people assume that because I’ve agreed to play, I’m ok with them touching me sexually. Brushing against my breast is different from sensual caressing is different from pre-sex groping. What I’m comfortable with depends on the person, our chemistry, and our previous history. Sometimes, even if we’ve played before, I might not be comfortable with you touching me in a more sexualized way.
Even more, if we’ve spoken and are friends but have not played before, I rarely want to jump into a sexual scene straightaways. I’ve found that a LOT of men I’ve played with make lots of assumptions and rush pre-scene negotiations, and therein lies the biggest pet peeve. Negotiations are important – you have to establish a dynamic (serious, humorous, etc.), set some boundaries for the level and/or types of ok’ed sexual contact, and make sure you both have the same understanding of what the interaction means (in terms of casual v. romantic encounter, other partners, and whatnot).
I also hate that I’m apparently crazy for leaning towards monogamous relationships. Enough said with that.