Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
God, have they changed.
Let’s see, if you’ve been reading my 30 days since day 1, you may recall that I developed an interest in kink early on (pre-legal years). Up until grad school, I thought I wanted a borderline 24/7 TPE D/s situation (got acronyms?). I was submissive, and willing to explore being someone’s slave. I thought needles, knives, public play, polyamory, breath play, electricity play, fireplay, and more were all nuts. I was certain that I would enjoy spanking because it was a physical manifestation of power, but not out of any interest in pain itself. Bondage turned me on more than life itself.
Not all of those thoughts are different, but most are. The real key here is that my interests and perspectives on kink are constantly changing, including right now. People joke that if you don’t like someone’s hard limits, just give ’em 6 months – that’s so bizarrely true.
The first thing that changed in my mind was my interest in pain. I quickly realized that my reaction to pain wasn’t just fear or pain, but pleasure, release, and thrill at the challenge.
The second thing to change was my feeling about polyamory. I don’t consider myself poly, but even being open to playing with others at all is a huge change from my original thoughts. I’m also considerably more accepting of other peoples’ poly relationships.
The third thing to change was my desire to participate in a M/s relationship. I’m still interested in exploring lighter levels of power exchange, primarily within the bedroom. I’m just not interested in being someone’s slave. Making my partner happy is incredibly important to me, and I enjoy serving him to some extent, but I don’t like having my service expected and demanded constantly. While I find being in control exhausting if I do it all the time, so do I find not being in control all the time. Balance is necessary, and so far that seems to work best as submission in the bedroom and equality outside of it (being my naturally “bratty,” dominant-personality self).
As for the rest, well, I’ve revised my limits/fetishes list so many times I have to include a date at the top, so that should be a good indicator of the fluidity of those things.