Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
As with all of these things, my opinion has greatly changed over time. Like many, I began my journey in kink online. I was far too young to be even talking with people about such sexualized topics, and my innocence and naivete have biased my current opinion.
First off, I think it is very possible to create a deep emotional connection via the internet. Written word, audio files, and webcams enable communication and make it possible. If both parties are willing to dedicate time and they trust one another, something could be created there. That said, I think that it is far too easy to be deceived online, and thus I wouldn’t trust or recommend it for serious relationship development. There are three situations that I think online BDSM play works best for.
1) Online BDSM play as a prelude to a first meeting – maybe give it a month or less – sure. Online dating works, and online kink interactions can be the same. Exchange messages, feel one another out, then meet and see if you have a connection. Develop trust in real life. Then, if need be, you can maintain your relationship through continued online play.
2) Online BDSM play as a training/explorative tool, great. You can find someone to give you tasks, or discipline you into creating good habits, or to guide your own sexual exploration. The reason this works well is because really, you are depending and trusting yourself more than anyone else. The other person is serving as a sounding board and counselor as you figure out what works for you in terms of power exchange and kink. If you have lots of questions, it’s a way to get them answered. You have to be aware that the answers you’re getting are all relative and potentially biased, but you can get them online.
3) Online BDSM play is also great for wank fodder. You’re lonely and want to get off, online roleplay or kinky chat can really facilitate that.
As far as prolonged long-distance relationships that initiated via online communication and don’t involve meeting in person for months or years – I’m wary and I advise others to be cautious. I know from experience how easy it is to lie about your age. People lie about all sorts of things. They can send photos of other people, or that are years out of date. You have no idea what is real and what is not. It’s tempting to get involved in this type of play when you feel there are no other options – maybe you can’t share with a spouse, you’re living with family, etc. – but please, folks, resist or proceed with caution. Don’t meet people in private unless you’ve met them in public first. Chat on the phone before meeting at all. Get references.