As per usual, I’m thoroughly exhausted after this month’s Rapture. I’m also deliciously sore and bruised and on a happy high from interacting with so many of my favorite new and old friends. One notable moment was getting an amazing paddling from a good friend. I’ve been craving a heavy beating for a while, and I wanted to play with someone sadistic enough to really push my limits. I definitely got what I asked for. I didn’t end up sobbing entirely, but was teary. I also let out a few bloodcurdling screams towards the end that surprised even me. I’d love to play that hard regularly, but I think I’d scare the ever-living shit out of people at most public events. Generally, it seems I’m a much heavier masochist than most people that go to those events.That beating was more of a cathartic release, although I was still mildly turned on from it, and the aftermath could have been developed into climax pretty easily had there been opportunity. Later in the evening, I came from some nipple torment while bound… not for the first time. Seeing as how I can climax from pain to the nipples, yes, I’m a masochist, pain slut, whatever people may call it.
Another notable thing – I topped a guy. Well, I co-topped him with another female. I find it interesting. Part of me gets great joy from being evilly mean and having him respond positively to it. It makes me giggly. On the other hand, I’m really afraid of going too far or hurting my partner, and I’m a little insecure about it, so it freaks me out. I think I’m to the point where I don’t get off on being in control, but I can have fun topping. Mainly, I see topping as a service thing to please my partner, and if I know what they like and I’m doing it, it’s just a different manifestation of pleasing them. Do I want to play with fear, surprise, control – not so much. Flogging, sensory play, riding crops – maybe. We’ll see where this tangent goes as it continues to develop.
In other news, registered for Winter Fire tonight. I’m really excited for this event because so many people I know are going, which will make it a LOT of fun. Hopefully this week won’t destroy me at work. We have lots of meetings, deadlines, and such and I also have an important application and narrow deadline to meet as well. Saturday is christmas event day in Old Town, though, then I’m going ice skating Sunday, so there should be a lot of fun going on :).