Several months ago, a friend recommended I read a book, and I’ve been terrible by putting it off over and over. I finally finished it, so here’s my take.
The book: “You Lost Him at Hello” by Jess McCann.
Quick Take: McCann applies sales techniques to dating. While interesting, it’s most applicable if marriage is your current end-game. The author’s approach is direct and humorous, however, and is very relatable to readers. There are some ‘strategies’ that are applicable in every situation for everyone. Overall, I’m not so focused on finding a relationship that I’m strategically working my life to acquire one (I’m still having fun/seeing what happens), but I can see the value-added some of the advice in the book could have were I doing so.
Interesting Snippets and Quotes (with commentary):
First, I appreciate that the author acknowledged the truth that people have to love themselves and know themselves before they attempt to get someone else to love them and know them. With that, McCann writes that people should be able to answer the following questions: “What are your goals in life? What motivates you? Are you passionate about music, politics, or sports? What makes you happy? What would you be doing if you could do anything?”
“There is no better advice from Socrates than ‘Know thyself.’ But once you do know yourself, you need to be yourself. You have to be confident and comfortable enough in your own skin so as not to cater to a man.”
“Men aren’t offended by differences in opinion. Just because you don’t agree with a guy doesn’t mean you aren’t a likable person. If you don’t like something, you can and should say so. You have to figure out if you are compatible, and you can’t possibly do that by pretending to be something you know you are not.”
“He may be all over you one night, but not the next. It’s up to you to understand and interpret these signs. He’s not going to spell it out for you-but I will. You are in the gray area, and these are not mixed messages. These are clear signs of moderate to low interest.”
“The longer you just wait and see, the longer you will just wait.”
“If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you, he would be. End of story. It’s not because you aren’t a great person, because you are…you just weren’t a good match in the long run. Even though you didn’t see it, he did, and you’ll just have to accept it.”
Buying signs (aka signs someone is interested in something/someone): they stop and look, they ask a lot of questions, they maintain strong eye contact when engaging in deeper conversation, they may become more touchy-feely, and they will reference seeing you again.
Useful advice: The SEE factor — smile, eye contact, and energy. Personally, this is the one thing I should take away from this book, because I’m in the camp of women who make eye contact and hurriedly look away as if it’s a terrible thing. That isn’t encouraging or welcoming to someone’s approach.
Useful advice: The KISS factor — keep it short and simple. This is easy enough to understand, and goes with the quote: “Just because you are thinking it doesn’t mean you should be talking about it.”
Useful advice: set a time to leave before the date. You should always leave people wanting more. It’s too easy to spend too much time together if you go in with a flexible schedule. “”If you spend too much time with him right away, he can and will get burned out.” (My Note – you both can get burned out.)