Difficult Moments

It’s been a rough few days.

A friend at work joined fetlife, making me relatively paranoid. Of course, that meant scrubbing my profile/photos/fetishes just a tad…I’m not into anything too extreme, but I also didn’t want to chance any probing questions.

Work is difficult…there have been leadership changes, my pseudo-promotion thing has been taken away, and now I’m tasked with a new project. The new project is interesting and should be fun, but I still have to multi-task on my old project. This would be less of a big deal if my old teammate did work, or if I could expose his lack of doing work…instead I’m literally just going to be doing two jobs, and I doubt anyone will even realize it. We’ll see how this goes. On the plus side, the new teammate is an alum of my grad program and is highly competent, so that should be good.

My trip to NYC was canceled, but it was nice being in town. I was able to clean and get some errands done, finally. I ended up with some fun in-town experiences too, so that made up for it a bit.

The real kicker was a phone call with a family member. Essentially, I’m really worried and afraid for this person, and I’m helpless to do anything. I want to show support, but I also don’t want anything terrible to happen. I have witnessed manic episodes in a different family member that’s bipolar, but never one that resulted in hospitalization. (Those happened when I was too little.) I’ve never seen or heard anything quite like this, and it really freaked me out. It was made worse when past traumas, my job, and other factors were brought into things…things I don’t want to talk about that have never been said out loud, basically.

I’m a bit paranoid that this person reads this blog, even though I don’t know how they would. The link is available through my fetlife profile, but only for friends-only (and not at all anymore). My erotic story profile links here too. That said, I don’t think my kink presence is known…still, I’m paranoid. The beauty of this blog has been the anonymous way to express myself. It’s getting to the point where too many people have talked about it with me, inhibiting my writing, or too many people may stumble into it. I’m not sure what that will mean for my writing.

Again, weird and rough couple of days.

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