Updating for Spring

Things have been strange lately.

First, family is a bit nuts. I’m going on vacation with my parents in a little under a month, and I’m looking forward to that quite a bit. I’ll get to see the grand canyon (and go on the skywalk), see some shows, gamble a little, and see family, which is most important. It’ll be nice to take a break from work for a while too. My sister is doing marginally better. She was involuntarily committed for 72 hours, diagnosed as bipolar manic depressive (like my mother), and is now back home with her fiance. She’s medicated, but still suffering from a lot of anxiety. It’s hard, because I want to communicate that I care without upsetting her in any way, and without face-to-face contact that’s difficult. She sounds much, much better though – she sounds like herself again, which I’m very thankful for. I was scared and worried before because I’d never heard her anything like that before.

Second, work has drastically changed. The environment is generally different, which is really nice. I trust our upper management now. My direct supervisor is invested in our project, incredibly competent, and he actually manages – meaning I get to focus on doing my job and doing it well, and that’s it. I actually have things I can learn from this man, and I’m motivated to do my best and work hard to impress him and contribute to an ultimately better product. My peers and myself have been interacting more – lunches together, random socializing to take a break, etc. which makes it much more fun to be at the office. I got a dry erase board in my cube (yay!). On the other hand, my old upper level boss quit, meaning it’s just me and incompetent supervisor left to handle getting our old project done. Meaning it’s just me, which is difficult and stressful. Hopefully we’ll get it out the door soon, because working on it has been giving me an eye twitch.

Third, friends are generally good. I’ve gotten to maintain my important friendships and see people a lot. I’ve been doing weekly game nights with two of my friends from college, and I adore that. We play Kingdom Builders, Dominion, Settlers of Catan, etc. and potluck dinner. It’s one of the only routine things I do, and my life is better for it. Plus, it lets us do random goof-off things like slinky challenges and spontaneous photo shoots. I have been trying to keep up with some grad school friends and kink friends through a variety of things, usually involving brunch and happy hours. I’m still failing at the whole staying home more thing, but I’m doing better with budgeting and staying on top of errands.

Fourth, kink and dating are progressing along. I’m having some issues remedying my personal beliefs and interests with some of my kinkier habits, and I’m not sure where I’m at on that. I’ll post on it at some point, but I need to think it through more. On the general side, I’m just less inclined towards things. I like my kinky friends, and I like hanging out with them. I like doing kinky things with treasured friends and/or lovers. I don’t, however, much enjoy play-oriented events anymore. I don’t like the egocentric, conceited attitude people have. I don’t like how something intimate and potentially shattering is reduced to being a notch on someone’s bedpost. More and more, I walk away from play-oriented events feeling less happy, less satisfied, and experiencing an odd combination of ennuie, disillusionment, and longing. Basically, while I enjoy play in certain non-relationship environments (when it’s just a few friends at someone’s house, or with a very good friend), I don’t like it casually otherwise – I’d prefer it to be with one romantic partner, or just a few trusted partners.

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