25 Things About My Sexuality, Revisited

Site based on: http://25thingsaboutmysexuality.blogspot.com/. I have the original one bookmarked places, but it is no longer entirely relevant. As such, here’s the one year update.

  1. I am a masochist. I can orgasm from pain alone, especially a spanking or pain to the nipples. I also find emotional release cathartically through pain.
  2. I enjoy inflicting pain on others so long as I am assured that they enjoy it. In fact, doing so can cause me some sadistic glee. That said, I’m still very new to this and it makes me nervous; I’m treading carefully down this path.
  3. I love rope – being tied in it, tying others in it. It can be sexual, sensual, calming, or fun.
  4. I’m submissive. I enjoy being able to defer to my romantic partner and trust him to take control. I enjoy serving him, focusing on his pleasure, and obeying him. I do not submit easily or frequently, but when I do I enjoy it quite a bit.
  5. I’m monogamish. I’m open to my partners playing with others, so long as it’s in public or I’m present, or in certain other discussed situations; there must be mutual consent and communication about everything.
  6. I adore teasing and denial and orgasm control. This is something I don’t play with casually, especially since it’s all power exchange and sex oriented, but it’s a huge fetish of mine. That said, I’m not interested in a permanent chastity/denial situation or even one that spans more than a couple of weeks. Being challenged and tormented is good, tortured and entirely deprived, not so much.
  7. The more public the scene, the more it takes for me to be vocal. I will shout, shriek, scream, or squeak if surprised or in great pain. I will make more noise the more I trust my partner and the more comfortable I am with my surroundings.
  8. In pleasure or in pain, my body clearly physically responds. I contort into bizarre positions, squeeze things, struggle, flail, bite, dig nails in, etc. Sometimes this results in unpredictable cramping if in certain forms of bondage or unintentionally kicking folks in the head, but for the most part it is more entertaining than an issue.
  9. When I’m enjoying myself, my body shakes and shivers. If you hit a sweet spot, that’s what happens. Teasing or biting my neck is the fastest way to get this reaction.
  10. I suffer from vaginismus. Benefit of this – I’m pretty incredibly tight and my orgasms are super intense. Main associated things: one night stands are out, foreplay is a must, and bigger is not always better.
  11. Ironically, given the previous issues with penetration, I actually climax hardest (and sometimes can’t climax without) with penetration. My g-spot is very easily accessible, and I have amazingly strong orgasms with penetration.
  12. I find the whole concept of “scenes” at parties and events a tad disconcerting. I’m more inclined to play with friends and romantic partners only. I want one or both partners to get off or at the very least experience obviously strong sexual reactions. If that isn’t happening, then there needs to be an educational component or a humorous one (having fun casually, so long as both people are having fun casually and not getting off on it is fine too).
  13. I don’t do well with performance pressure. I like to know expectations and exceed them. If my orgasm is the primary goal of a scene, the pressure to climax mentally blocks it from happening. If my partner wants me to scream, I get stubborn and over-aware of my vocal reactions and it’s less likely to happen.
  14. I like to try everything at least once, if not twice. There are some things I rule out now that I will likely try one day, and there are others that may never be tried if I don’t get over certain fears or squicks. Mostly, though, my curiosity leads me to want to see what things are like for myself before judging them.
  15. I write erotic fiction that I publish on literotica. It’s all fiction, usually fantasies I’ve had rolling around in my head that I wrote down on paper after meeting someone I could imagine in the role of the protagonist.
  16. I had a traumatic issue with a female at an early age. As a result, I’m very hesitant to explore sexual encounters with women. I occasionally am comfortable enough and like someone enough to experiment. I am not – at this point, at least – at all ok with delving below the waist on another female, and I tend to get uncomfortable with overt agressive sexual advances from women.
  17. I read a lot of erotic fiction and fantasize quite a bit, but I don’t watch porn. I’ve watched maybe 2-3 short clips ever, and one movie (pirates). I wouldn’t be opposed to watching some with a partner, maybe even acting it out, but I don’t have any desire to seek it out on my own.
  18. I am easily embarrassed and flustered, especially when it comes to talking dirty or about sexual things. I get very turned on when a man gets explicit with me, and I get hot being forced to vocalize, even if it’s nearly impossible for me to get words out. That said, I don’t like being called a cunt or whore – degradation doesn’t do it for me.
  19. I’m someone who follows the rules, is a minor neat-freak, and enjoys planning and logistics. Read into that what you will.
  20. I strongly dislike when people vocally insert themselves into my scenes/play. If you aren’t invited in ahead of time, don’t join in. The only exception is in specific party situations where everyone is sort of involved in everyone’s play intentionally, or if the insertion was by a more primary partner of mine who had implicit permission to interrupt.
  21. I have a bit of an oral fixation. I really enjoy giving head, and I get off on my partner getting off on that. I get turned on sucking on my partner’s dick. I can deep throat a decent amount, but I do have an active gag reflex. I do get a bit nervous the first time with a new partner, and I like/welcome tips and instructions from my partner. I also get very nervous about STDs, so the testing discussion or condoms need to be used first. Don’t think this interest means I give head to everyone, just that I do really enjoy it with my sexual partners.
  22. I prefer yellow-red safeword combinations, as I’m more of a yellow than red person. I need middle ground options.
  23. It takes hanging out with me several times, maybe around 5, before you can really start to capture my personality. It takes me equally as long to get a feel for someone else, too. That’s how long it takes to cement an initial feeling, lose or gain my trust (at least in basic things), determine attraction, and see if we enjoy one another’s company.
  24. I’m a midwestern girl, raised Catholic, with Mormon and born-again best friends at different points in my life. I am not an atheist, and I do believe in God. I have a high ethical and moral code. I’m relatively modest and a bit of a prude. Sex is never meaningless for me. With a friend or romantic interest, it means something to me and must mean something to my partner for it to work.
  25. I’m still learning proper ways to communicate, especially about my sexuality. As a result, I tend towards bluntness and over-sharing, because too much honesty is better than too little. I’m a tad awkward. You’ve been forewarned. Feel free to ask direct questions, I’ll always answer honestly and I prefer that type of communicative initiative. I am horrible at playing the typical games associated with dating. I’m working on it.

Link to the original list.

Day 30, 30 Days of Kink

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

This one stumped me, if you couldn’t tell by the more than month-long lapse in posting it. I’ve never been great with blank prompts, it’s why I went with the whole 30-day meme thing in the first place. Despite that, I’ve decided (with the help of a friend’s input) to provide a state of the kink type of post. Essentially, it’s been a long while (6 months!) since I’ve updated my “want to play with me” and “25 things about my sexuality” posts. Those are outdated and I’ve learned a helluva lot about myself since writing them, so ta-da! 30th day post.

The key to my kinky code:

  • I will start relationships (friends or more) by having trust, giving the benefit of the doubt, and confidently inviting you to any number of activities. I tend towards practical optimist, and I give a lot of energy and passion to the people I choose to have in my life. If you want things to stay that way, you should:
    • Initiate time spent together and plan things (in advance) – I should not doubt that you enjoy my company and want to spend time with me. If it’s all one sided, the above stance on our relationship – again, friend or more – will change drastically.
    • Avoid ambiguous or vague language, communicate clearly, and strive to not send mixed messages. I’m hyper-sensitive to changes in people’s moods, very empathetic, and overly analytical – honesty, bluntness, explicitness are all appreciated. Over-communication is much preferred to a lack of it.
  • I enjoy a variety of kinks, and am happy with a scene that’s just a spanking, a quick rope tie, or a full-on torment session. That said, certain things make the top of the list, and if you want to get me wet and daydreaming about you, you’ll be into:
    • bondage
    • teasing and denial, referring to orgasm denial or “edging” as some put
    • nipple torture – either really rough and painful, or just-barely-there gentle
    • physicality – throw me around, pin me down, beat up on me with your hands/fists, pinch, use pressure points, wrestle – I like struggling and not winning as well as the increased intimacy
    • covert public play; I’m not an exhibitionist, but the risk and struggle to maintain control while that limit is being stretched is incredibly hot to me
  • I’m not the best at direct verbal communication unless specific questions are asked. I try to hide, I blush, I stammer. I get awkward. It takes forever and just the right circumstance for me to bring up intense/controversial conversational topics.
    • If you have something you’re seeking out of a relationship, please let me know when we initially start talking. If you’re seeking play/friendship/romance, please be explicit early on.
    • I may not be very vocal during play. Sometimes, in private play situations when I know someone well, I’ll scream or moan or whatever. In public or semi-public places, or when I don’t know you well, I may squeak if taken off guard but that’s usually the extent of it. If you watch, listen, and read me, however, you’ll quickly realize that I am very responsive and expressive, just not verbally. Physically, I respond to even the gentlest stimulation. I shudder/shake/shiver uncontrollably. I’ll squirm and writhe, and as things get more intense I will literally contort my body – legs in weird places, etc. I squeeze things with my hands, rake nails, or bite depending on what’s available.
  • I tend to feel like a scene that doesn’t involve my top getting off is very self-centered. As a result, if that’s the situation we’re in, I need to know you enjoyed yourself, including how so. I want to know if you got turned on by it. I want to know that you participated on a mental level as well.
    • I give a lot during a scene – I let go and focus very intensely on the moment. I want to know that you are on the same page.
    • If I’m getting off and the top isn’t even turned on by it, I feel weird. I end up feeling like the top is humoring me, or I’m using them as a toy. It doesn’t feel reciprocal, and that bothers my submissive side. I connect with my partner, and I need them to connect on a similar level or it’s a no-go for me.
    • If we’re playing for fun, in a very light-hearted way (laughter and joking involved, no sexual stimulation), then I need to know you’re having fun but don’t need you to be turned on by it.
    • Tell me what you want and enjoy! I’m more than happy to try new things, experiment, or do something if it would please my partner (within my limits). It really doesn’t hurt to ask!
  • Presence and persona matter more to me than any physical attributes.
    • Humor and intelligence are of vital importance.
    • Confidence is sexy.
    • An element of nerd/geek is hot (yay IT and engineers!).
    • Be amused by me or with me, but not annoyed by me (regarding my high energy levels and quick enthusiasm).
    • Apathy is a huge turn-off, as is consistent indecisiveness.
  • Big, multi-day kink events don’t really do it for me by themselves. They appeal because of classes, cool equipment, or interesting shows (gender blender at DO:Winter Fire!). I’ll go, but only if I have people to share sleeping quarters/expenses with and if I know people to both hang out and play with. Otherwise, the cost, logistics, and anxiety aren’t worth it for me.
  • I want to try switching. I want to top with rope, but also potentially experiment with other forms of play. I enjoy pleasing my partner, and this can be done by messing with their sensations and experiences with me as a top. I have no idea what this will do to my sexual attraction for a person.
  • I’m bratty as all get out. I can be submissive, and I tend towards that way in my dynamics with men. That said, I’m playful. I like to struggle and be overpowered, as I mentioned before. I enjoy being told no, spoken to sternly, and feeling my partner’s authority (only after power is willfully/consensually ceded). I like to push, and I will push until I hit a wall or feel someone push back strongly.
  • Begging, eye contact, and dirty talk are all very hard for me. Very hard. Also, very hot.
    • Begging is hard because of my own stubborn pride. I don’t want to give in. I don’t give up or surrender easily, for anything. I rarely ask for help or rely on other people for things. I’m extremely independent. Begging involves needing or wanting something so badly but being helpless to achieve it alone, thus requiring me to acknowledge the power my partner has over me. I hate other people having power over me. Again, I also find it incredibly hot, and begging is a very clear-cut embodiment of power exchange, which is why it arouses me. It’s just usually very difficult and somewhat embarrassing for me to expose that vulnerability to that level, and patience as well as some tenderness if I get to that point are appreciated. Teasing can be ok too, but if I hit desperation-begging, then teasing will make me withdraw or get extremely insecure emotionally.
    • Eye contact is grounding, which can take me out of subspace. It also forces me to face what is happening and my active role in the proceedings. It makes me feel incredibly vulnerable, which makes me nervous and awkward, so I normally end up shutting my eyes or looking away during play. Sometimes, being forced to make eye contact will greatly enhance my feeling of submission in a scene.
    • Dirty talk, well, I was raised rather prudishly. I can write about things, but I don’t normally talk about my deepest, darkest desires out loud (surprisingly). I sometimes feel cheesy saying dirty things, or embarrassed depending on the situation. Hearing it is hot, and sometimes being forced to vocalize, despite the slight embarrassment, is also arousing.
  • I will only participate in pick-up play if I am incredibly attracted to or feel a very intense connection with someone I meet at an event. It’s not that common anymore.
    • If I’ve fetstalked you, seen you play with someone else, or met you through a friend, your chances increase.
    • If it’s for rope practice/lab time or a suspension, then it’s more about trusting you and enjoying your company and the connection/attraction thing is less true. If this is the case, then there will be no sexual play in our encounter. Above-the-waist touching may be ok, situation specific.
    • If I am trying something new with an expert/very experienced top, it’s another exception. This is usually a “for science!” situation, at least for the first time I interact with this person.
    • I don’t have sex in public. I have to really be in the moment to be able to even come close to getting off in public. I don’t have sex with someone I’ve just met, no matter what the level of attraction. Ask before touching me sexually.
    • If you’re new and want to try something, I may be willing to serve as a demo/practice bottom of sorts. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and can get into the right headspace in this scenario if it’s planned properly. If this is the case, there needs to be a more experienced person (at whatever item/thing is being utilized) present whom I trust and like.
  • Why do I go to public events at all? Furniture/equipment! No noise restrictions, no nosy roommates or neighbors. Fun times with friends and existing play partners. Meeting new people. Watching interesting scenes. It’s not always about the play. Sometimes, I may sit on a couch alone and watch the room for a while – and that’s ok. I’m not unhappy, or depressed, or pathetically sad; I will usually appreciate company and conversation, but I find a certain peace of mind from just being in the kinky environment and observing sometimes. It lets me process all the crazy kinky shit going on in my mind before I come here to write it up :).

Fantasies

This is a distinct list from the Fetishes/Limits list. I’ve decided to start keeping track of different fantasies I have. Too many people ask me about it, and I really don’t have much to say on the subject other than “kinky stuff.” I get too embarrassed to vocalize my fantasies usually, which kind of hinders acting them out. So, in response to the question “What do you fantasize about?” – Here y’all go. Continue reading

Want to play with me?

If you want to play with me, below are some things that you should know. If I don’t know you/that’s not your goal, there really is absolutely no point in continuing to read this post.

updated 2/20/12, original 3/28/11

It’s important that I know I’m respected by you, despite my reactions and what you do to me. I won’t open up or really relax if I’m worried about you judging me.

I must respect you, trust you, and know that you aren’t creepy. Knowing other people who know you, seeing you out and about in the community, etc. are things that aid in this.

I have to know that you are enjoying yourself. If I think you’re doing things purely because I want them, and not because you enjoy doing them, I feel guilty and like I’m a burden.

If our play involves anything beyond rope practice in a public space/learning environment, I need to have some sort of connection with you. I’m not ok with being played with purely because I’m available, and I don’t appreciate being made to feel like that. Negotiating a scene, checking in, asking before touching me sexually if we’ve never played that way before, talking to me a bit before/after, etc. are all little ways to make something more intimate and less booty call-esque. Basically, treat me like a human being when interacting with me, and I need to actually like you as a human being to do anything.

I want my limits pushed. I enjoy seeing how much I can take, what positions I can contort myself into. I am competitive and relatively stubborn, and this falls into it.  While it not easy for me to beg or safeword, if it is truly too much for me I will do so.

If I’m uncontrollably shaking or shuddering (whether it be after intense pain play or anything else), it’s usually in a very good way. Don’t worry.

I react very strongly to play, but often in non-verbal ways. As I get more comfortable with you and my surroundings, I can get more vocal should that be seen as a good thing. If my lack of noise leaves you uncertain as to my reaction, ask, and I will blushingly get all flustered, but I will be perfectly honest. In the meantime, see the above comment about shuddering. My breathing will also change as I enjoy things more.

My neck, ears, scalp/hair are extraordinarily sensitive. My neck is also very ticklish. There is a fine, fine line between tickling and amazingly enjoyable caressing of my neck, but please don’t let that keep you from touching that area.

I enjoy struggling and being fought down in the takedown kind of way. Call it my inner cave-woman. Basically, I like knowing I can’t win. Similarly, I like being in bondage that I can’t escape – if I can struggle and not get out (whether it be rope or your arms), that pushes all of my buttons.

I am a bit of a snarky, sarcastic brat. Comes with the personality. That said, when I find (or am informed of) a boundary, I respect it.

It’s highly likely that I will want to move slower on sexual things than other people you play with, especially relative to the rest of the kinky community. I’m very choosy with who and how I sexually interact with others.

I am not an exhibitionist. I can sometimes enjoy doing things in public if it’s a skill I’ve developed well (showing flexibility in a tie, etc.), but in general I’ve never gotten past feeling like things that make me respond sexually or involve full naked-ness should be private. That said, I can and do participate in kinky play in public as it tends to be the safest space for a single female bottom to do so. I don’t, however, tend to get very sexual if it’s sexual at all in those public situations.

I have varying levels of climax, and can often get full satisfaction from a series of small shuddering climaxes. I don’t need an earth-shattering, scream-inducing orgasm to enjoy myself. In general, I prefer that my orgasm not necessarily be the end-goal of a scene, especially if the scene is in a space that is at all public. Call it performance anxiety, see above thing on exhibitionism.

I’m open to non-sexual kinky play with select females. This is something I’d be most comfortable with if I was interacting with a couple, rather than with a female one-on-one.

Delicious Weaknesses

Things that make me melt/squeal/go crazy:

Rope. Simple enough, right? Coconut rope that scratches, hemp rope that is just a little rough, nylon rope that’s softer – I enjoy it all. Tight, restrictive positions? Yes. Underneath clothing? Yes. Overnight? Yes. Tying in toys? Yes. Really, I’m a huge fan.

Other types of bondage, hell, all types of bondage. I’m not as familiar with handcuffs, straps, and whatnot, but I love being restrained. The slight fear, the increased trust, and the pure “you can do with me as you will” mentality (aka the complete lack of control) really arouse me.

Consistent, prolonged, sometimes rough and sometimes almost too gentle, play with my nipples. Be really rough and sadistic, then only the gentlest of touches will keep me shuddering for hours. Suck them, bite them, use clamps or a wartenburg wheel, scratch them and chew on them, or gently trace them…it all arouses me to no end.

Tickling…especially if you know my most ticklish spot. Seriously, I’m normally a quieter person during sexual activities, but if you tickle that spot I will shriek uncontrollably. I’ll also potentially fight you – bondage helps if you’re not into that. Personally, either way I’m good – fighting and losing to be pinned down for the torment, or being bound and unable to stop it…both get me going. Although, I must say, this is definitely one of those things I hate to love.

Pain. This one is a bit shaky, but a really good, prolonged, hard spanking or beating (or nipple torture) can make me shudder for hours as well. (Shuddering is a good thing.) The mood has to be right, and the Dom has to be observant, but it can be amazing. I like it best when once it gets really hard, there is some time between impacts with caressing to recover and let it sink in. I can take more if I have physical contact with my Top, like if he’s holding one of my hands or has a hand on my neck/back/etc. I also am more responsive if I can squeeze a hand or something, or if I have a gag or something to bite down on.

Kissing, caressing, touching, etc. my neck and earlobes. Mainly my neck. Seriously, it’s an intense erogenous zone for me, and can get me going incredibly quickly.

General caressing and kissing (when it’s good kissing) are, of course, also amazing.

FYI: if it’s ok for me to touch and caress you in return, some indication of that permissibility is appreciated. Otherwise I get shy/hesitant too easily.

Disclaimer, Dating, and Playing

I do have lots of fantasies that I want to act out. I also have a super-strong desire to be bound in rope. I have submissive urges that are begging to be let out from my control-freak daily persona.

I am not, however, willing to do any of those things with just anyone.

This was mentioned in a former post, but I didn’t really underline it, so here is the place for that.

I’m not looking to play with anyone and everyone. Yes, if you are a Dom fellow who I find intriguing and who is good with rope, I’ll probably consider it in my mind. This is much how you scope out a hot chick at the mall – I’m scoping. It’s an initial sign that I should give you more than one glance. This does not mean I will want to play with you, just that I will talk with you.

If we meet and I feel comfortable with you and I trust you, then there may be potential for platonic play-dates. As an earlier post mentions, trust comes with respect, which comes with certain other traits. Similarly, if I feel creeped out, nothing else is happening, ever.

If we meet and I feel comfortable, but nervous and attracted to you in addition to trusting you, then there may be potential for platonic play-dates, there may be a possibility of sexual overtones, and who knows where things can lead.

Lately, I have had an increasing number of people trying to get me to play. I’m trying to be respectful, openminded, etc., but I’m not desperate and I want to reiterate that I’m not willing to play with just anyone. I’ve always been particular about who I date and sexually interact with, and I’m going to be that way in this scene too.

In the meantime, if you’re interested, feel free to initiate respectful contact, and I’ll do my best to respond in kind. Friends are always welcome. If you’re seeking more, read around on here and that’ll give some indications of what I’m looking for and how to approach me.

If I’m interested, I’ll “admire” you or send a message your way. I’ll potentially try to meet up with you. If I invite you to hang out and get unfavorable responses, I likely won’t ask again (or if I do, the second time will really cap it off), so feel free to take the initiative if you want to see me. I try to show that I’m interested, but I’m hyper-aware of being too clingy, and sometimes that pushes me too far in the other direction, so it doesn’t hurt to ask me about my feelings, intent, or meetings.

Age isn’t an automatic disqualifier, but if you’re much, much older than me, I’d prefer to meet you around other people at a ‘scene’ event rather than one-on-one.

Domly Habits: Turn on & Turn off

Tiny things tend to play into what I find appealing in a Dom/Top/Partner, what I find unappealing, and what things trigger or “inspire” my submission.

As for the unappealing, I’m very much not a fan of pretentiousness. If you’re smart, you don’t have to also act hipster or indie or super-cool, rather it will be clear that you’re intelligent just from conversation. If you actually have those hipster or indie interests, power to you, own them. But please, don’t put on airs.

Additionally, spelling and grammar do matter to me. I know it is relatively shallow, and that people can be super smart and have bad grammar. I know we all have our tired, mistake-ridden moments, and I get that. That said, there is a very clear point when the number of errors skyrockets past the number to be expected by mistake into a number that shows a lack of understanding. If things are consistently spelled incorrectly, lack punctuation, or misuse words, I will get very annoyed.

That leads quite well into a turn on, in that intelligence is highly attractive. This is for several reasons (good conversation, learning opportunities, shared interests), but also because I have a large amount of respect for those who are as or more intelligent than myself. For me to submit to someone (not just bottom), I have to have a very high measure of respect for that person. Respect comes from a variety of places, but a major part is knowing that I am not smarter than you. If I feel smarter than you, I end up feeling somewhat more superior and in-control, which doesn’t lend itself to my submitting to you. I realize this probably makes me come off as the pretentious that I was just dissing, but this is honest.

Another turn on is confidence. A man who is sure of himself, knows his mind, and knows his intent is a huge turn on.

I’m also turned on by a man’s strength, both mental/emotional and physical. Knowing he can support me emotionally is sexy. Knowing he can pin me down, or essentially win in a fight, reiterates that he is in control. I don’t want to be forced, and I am not interested in nonconsensual play, but I adore knowing that my Dom has that power.

I think the sexiest part of a man’s body are his hands, arms, and shoulders… going back to the “pin me down” and “spank me” things.

Another turn on is a man who is taller than me. Yes, it is superficial, and I acknowledge that. No, it is not a rule I go by (I don’t rule out short men). Even so, if you are taller than me there is usually a stronger initial attraction. There’s just something about having to look up at someone that is innately sexy to me. Let me reiterate yet again though, that chemistry trumps superficial turn-on/offs, and if we have it, height really wouldn’t matter.

I’m somewhat turned on by awkwardness or dorky-ness, or by men who know how to alleviate or make light of those situations. My life is one giant awkward moment, and it helps to approach that with a sense of familiarity and/or humor.

I’m turned on by men who treat women like ladies, including holding open doors, walking on the street-side of the sidewalk, occasionally ordering at a restaurant, etc. I am fully capable of doing these things on my own, but it is fun to have the man take control in tiny ways such as that.

I’m turned off by men who are intensely quiet or unresponsive. I have quiet moments, we all do, and I appreciate a good silence, but I strongly dislike being the one who is always responsible for initiating and carrying-on conversation. I almost always have a question, but when I get no response to work off of, when even I can’t make a conversation happen without discomfort, than I draw the line. I’m ok with comfortable silence, just not continual awkward silence or one-word answers. I value discussion and good conversation too much to not have it.

I’m turned off by men who have little or no ambition, no solid career interests, and no path to their future. This goes back to the respect issue, in that I’m pretty on-top of my career, and if you have no clue at all, I respect you marginally less. AKA, have a job, have a genuine reason for not having one, or be occupying your time with something that contributes to society (volunteer, parenting, something). It is less about the position and goals than the productivity aspect and whole  contributing to society thing. That said, though success in the field may increase my respect level it doesn’t necessarily affect my interest level. The marginal utility of success is less than the marginal cost of lack of success (can you tell I’m in econ classes?).

I’m turned on by a Dom who doesn’t necessarily equate submission with domestic service. I actually enjoy many domestic things, but I am busy too and an expectation of mandatory, consistent domestic service reeks of laziness and inconsiderableness to me. Most likely, I will do these things to please my Dom, without him needing to ask, but sometimes a division of domestic duties is necessary for a stable living situation. Additionally, skills in the kitchen or being neat are turn ons.