Adulthood

I’ve been on an effort to be more “adult-like” and try new things, most of which has been represented in purchasing things.

I bought oranges this weekend for the first time ever. I think I tried to peel one once in my childhood, and couldn’t get the white crap all off, so I never tried again. I’ve eaten cut up slices when they are at restaurants, but having my own orange is a new thing. We’ll see how Heloise v. Orange goes today. (update: I succeeded and it was delicious.)

I bought mouthwash, too. I haven’t used mouthwash in forever. It used to be painful so I hated it, then it was gross so I hated it. My new mouthwash and I started off rocky. I bought Listerine, and I didn’t realize it’s 21% alcohol. It’s murderously painful. I lasted maybe 30 of the recommended 60 seconds. Hopefully time will make my gums less sensitive to it.

When I was at a friend’s wedding a few weeks back, I had my makeup done by a friend, and she used foundation. My regular makeup routine (and by regular, I mean when I have a date/plans) is to do tinted lip gloss, eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, and maybe some under eye cream stuff. Curling my eyelashes was as complex as it got. Part of my lack of makeup stems from the fact that I’m blessed with a pretty good complexion – I have freckles and I naturally blush a decent amount. I used to wear a bunch of makeup for performances in high school, but that was a decade ago. That said, I looked good with makeup on for this wedding, so I decided to splurge and I bought eye primer, foundation, and blush. I need bronzer, but that’s a step ahead. Yay beauty routines!

There have been other “adulthood” things I’ve been working on, but figured it was time for a flashback to the blog’s old days of randomness.

Back to Basics: Kinky

I went to the introductory kink night at our local dungeon this weekend. Originally I intended to take a newbie friend, but I ended up going because a man I met some time ago was hoping for a familiar face. I wasn’t sure what to expect for a few reasons: 1) I’m not a newbie, and I don’t need beginner lessons anymore, 2) I hadn’t been to the club in several months, and 3) I had no idea what dynamic was going to play out with the person I went with.

Overall, it was a good night. It was nice sort of watching and taking in all the kink stuff again. As per usual, I learned a few things that merited introspection.

First, I’m a know it all. I hate it about myself. I noticed it last night, and now I can’t stop noticing it. When I understand something, I take great joy in getting to share that knowledge. When someone asks me a question, it opens the door for all this (sometimes unwanted or unwarranted  information sharing. Basically, I need to watch carefully to make sure I don’t volunteer too much information, and I don’t give my opinion unless asked.

Second, I’m weird with naked people. I’ve known this, in that I’m much more modest than most, but I figured it out a bit. I don’t mind nudity at all if it’s with a lover or all that much if it’s a friend I know very, very well.  If it’s a stranger, I’m a tad discomforted, but it isn’t a big deal. Now, if it’s someone I’ve only met once or twice but anticipate hanging out with or seeing somewhat frequently, it totally freaks me out to see them naked. This came up in a conversation with a new contact from CollarMe recently too – I don’t like nude/dick photos or phone sex until after I’ve met someone in person, preferably not until we’ve done sexy things in person that merit me seeing them. It’s way too awkward for me otherwise.

Third, I need to boost my confidence. People want to play with me, and people find me and my reactions beautiful. Not everyone will, but those who disagree with that shouldn’t be who I judge myself on. The cane demo Top last night was very enthusiastic about me, telling me I’m beautiful and my reactions merit being in porn. I’ve had multiple partners reiterate how gorgeous I am when I climax…so I need to embrace that.

Lastly, I love impact play. I reallly, really, really love spanking and paddles. There’s just something so unbelievably hot about it, especially when paired with bondage. I got a few gentler spanks last night, and all it did was tease. I want more, harder. It sucks too, because I’m all submissive and shit and I hate asking people things. I would have totally gone for a much harder spanking with the person I went with last night, but I had no clue if that’s something he would have been game for, and I wasn’t going to ask.