Links and Love

With Valentine’s Day coming up this week, all the blogs I follow are bursting at the seams with mentions of love and such. Being single and having had a number of…interesting, shall we say?…dating adventures the last few months, it’s a tad annoying. My personal motto for getting through this holiday when not in a relationship: single doesn’t have to mean solitary. I’m blessed to have great friends and a lot going on, so I don’t really get lonely so much as horny. That said, ick at the preponderance of hearts and pink.

That aside, some interesting love-related articles:

My favorite is from Madagascar: “Love is like seaweed: you go to her, she leaves you, you leave her, she follows you.”

Favorite line: “Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”
-Veronica A. Shoffstall

Other randoms:

Finished another book in all of 3 hours the other night: Easy by Tammara Webber. It was a quick read, and reminded me why I enjoy trashy fiction.

CoCo Sala has fabulous brunch, but be prepared to go into a sugar coma.

I need more routines in my life. I say that a lot, but I’m finally working on getting some down.

Winter Fire in T-minus 3 days! I’m nervous and excited. I can’t wait for all the shows. My friend said it’s like they designed this year’s programming just for me, and she’s right. That said, I’m a little bummed that a lot of the classes I’m interested in are at the same time. I’m also nervous since I don’t have many play dates scheduled – I hope I don’t end up wallflowering too much. I’m worried that my room will end up too crowded or people won’t pay me their portion. I’m also hugely excited to spend a weekend with some of my favorite kinky friends.

In yoga, they have time for meditation. We’re supposed to relax and focus on not thinking. All I can do is think about how I can’t not think. Yes, it’s ridiculous. I think the only times I really relax fully and surrender to the moment are when I’m doing rope or kinky things and I’ve given up control, or when I’m full of adrenaline from a new adventure.

 

DO: Fusion

To make it easier to meet up with folks and to try to avoid missed play opportunities, here’s my MO for Fusion. First off, I’ll be getting in late Friday night and staying through sometime Sunday evening. Feel free to be in touch if you want to join me in a class or set up play/hanging out.

Classes:

  • “Chewtoy: Erotic Biting” with Jefferson
  • “Extreme v. Edge Play: What it is and what it isn’t” with Capt. Gordon
  • “Play Piercing 101” with Claire Adams
  • “G-Spot and P-Spot” with Jefferson — maybe Murphy Blue’s “Multi-person Bondage” class, I’m still wavering between the two
  • “Chest and Breast Bondage” with Lqqkout

(And maybe either “Creative Needleplay,” “Pyro-Passion,” or “Suspensions” Sunday afternoon, but that’s not decided yet.)

Events/Ions:

  • Circus, if I get there and unpacked in time (sex-o-rama, 8:30 Friday)
  • Truth or Dare Jenga Ion hosted by Pittsburgh folks (poolside, 10pm Friday)
  • Swap & Shop (poolside, Saturday lunchtime-ish)
  • Knotting Circle Ion hosted by B-more folks (Barn, Saturday late afternoon/pre-dinner)
  • So You Kink You’ve Got Talent and Bare Stories, dependent on play arrangements/timing (Saturday night)

Event Goals:

  • Learn something
  • Have fun
  • Stay safe and healthy – don’t get super sunburnt or eaten alive by mosquitos
  • Meet new people (and flirt with them! Avoid introverted, awkward shyness)
  • Communicate effectively with play partners
  • Say no without feeling guilty, speak up about my boundaries before starting play, and don’t let peer pressure (even inadvertent) get to me
  • Have post-event bruises
Play-specific Goals:
  • Be suspended with rope
  • Try wax or fire play (or both)
  • Play with needles
  • Rope, rope, more rope…preferably some rope with wrestling/rough body play/pain, if at all possible (wanted: sadistic rope top[s])
  • Push my limits with pain – if the situation presents itself, experiment with how much I can take/how far I can actually go. Another alternative would be to be beaten to tears.
  • Make out with/kiss a woman for the first time…if I can work up the courage.

Day 12, 30 Days of Kink

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

This one’s easy, and recalls an experience I had about a month ago. I’m an active member of the Washington, DC kink community, including the DC Rope group. One of DR’s goals is to bring educational rope events to the local community, and in April they brought in Midori, a well-known rope educator/expert. There were two days of classes, one focusing on her speciality of rope dance, and the other combining rope speed and flow and predicament bondage. I only attended the second day. I attended the event with a friend who I’d played with a good deal before, so we’re comfortable with one another, joking/laughing/talking during play was normal.

Anyhow, the speed and flow class involved choosing one tie, and then you first had ten minutes to tie your partner. The partners would then switch – everyone had to do all parts of the class (no pure top/bottoming). Since I normally stick to being a rope bottom, this was new territory for me. After we’d done it once that way, we then repeated the drill with less time, one handed with our dominant hand, one handed with our non-dominant hand, and then blindfolded. You can imagine that this was entertaining in and of itself.

Thing is, Midori is known for her rope dance, which involves creating connection with your partner and maintaining it throughout a scene. She emphasizes physicality during play, and throwing your partner around is highly encouraged. My friend and I kept getting scolded for not playing rough enough during the first few drills. So, we got more playful, and while I was tying him up, top that he is, he kept trying to overpower me. Since he’s a decently strong and large man (over 6′), and I’m not that great a rigger, he was succeeding, and it started cracking me up. This continued throughout the rest of the class, and the look Midori gave us was priceless. We definitely got the “Behave, children!” glare a few times. For wrestling in a bondage class, after being told to get physical. Maybe you had to be there, but I found it really funny at the time and still do.

Plus, added bonus – I learned that I can enjoy rigging and I’m not half bad at it. The class also spawned an idea for a scene that purposely involved a guy letting me tie him up only to be overpowered and taken down (hot, right? I think so.).

Personally, I’d much rather take my kink with a healthy dose of humor. Laughing and joking really helps me relax into the situation and enjoy myself more. If I’m not comfortable enough to tease/snark/laugh, than I usually spend too much time over-thinking things and not enough time enjoying myself.

Conflicting Forces

I feel like there are lots of things that are confusing me right now, both professionally and personally.

First, I keep going back and forth between what I was raised to think and what my friends think to what is the norm in the kinky community, in terms of poly, playing with others, sex outside of relationships, etc. There are just so many different ways you can live your life, and at the end of the day only you can make those decisions.

On top of that, I have no idea where I want to be in 5 years, if I’m going to enjoy the next 9 months at my new job, or what sector (private, public, etc) suits me best. I am answering so many questions with “I don’t know” lately, and it drives me bonkers. I like having a plan, having goals, knowing expectations. I feel like this year is just pushing me out of my comfort zone in so many ways.

I know that it’s ok, that’s it’s just how life is, and that it’ll all work out. I’m sure opportunity will find it’s way to me and I’ll figure my shit out at some point, it’s just weird in the in-between. On the surface, everything is right on track to success in both my personal and private lives (and I’m very happy with my life right now, if stressed), but I don’t know the best way to pursue continued success and move forward whilst still also being unsure of my exact destination.

In the rest of randoms:

  • Started the new job, though it’s just been paperwork thus far. I’m more worried about it being an introverted, anti-social environment, but hopefully it will be fun.
  • Classes continue, I’m already behind. I’ve also determined that I need to read for budget policy after the class, otherwise the class is repetitive and boring as hell.
  • I had a great weekend full of socializing and fun activities with a variety of different people. I was all set for a weekend full of lovely one-on-one time with myself, errands, chores, and getting my act together post-traveling. Instead, I literally spent every moment with people. It was great, but now I’m behind on life things.
  • –With the above, I drank kind of a lot (for me) on Saturday night. It was interesting. If you ever want my high school self to reemerge (read: see me sing and dance), all it takes is some flip cup. I’m a terrible lightweight with alcohol, and I become much more outgoing. I also laugh a lot, but since I do that anyways, that’s not a big shocker.
In the days to come, I’m going to update my new DC bucket list and general one. I’m very certain about the many things to do here! I know I’ll have very little time to do them all, but here’s to trying :).

Pre-Finals Mania

This post will likely make me come off as a huge control freak…which, when it comes to my academic and professional life, I suppose I am.

So, /beginrant. I’m so, so, so sick of group presentations. It is beyond belief. I have 6 classes right now, and in 4 of them I have group projects/final presentations. Depending on other people is driving me crazy! People don’t meet deadlines, slack off on their portions, and it rarely works out. It is sooo much easier to do a project alone. In my night class tonight, I spent the first half of the class ignoring other people’s presentations and redoing our powerpoint. It was awful. I would have been better off giving the entire speech myself. Ugh. At least that class is now over. /endrant.

On another note, I hate when people present frameworks for change without measurable, enforceable objectives. Having goals is pointless if there are no actual steps to achievement.

Completely separate from that, I spent a good 2 hours defending Christianity on Friday night. Most people always assume religion and politics are off-limit topics. I’ve always negated that – I love talking about religion and politics, together or separately. That said, when it is a topic that close to people’s hearts, and something that is so controversial, it needs to be a discussion, NOT an argument. There needs to be respect, and people have to be willing to listen to the other side. On Friday, this didn’t happen. One person was treating the conversation like an argument he needed to win, calling certain Christian views ludicrous and crazy. I don’t mind challenges to my belief, and neither did my very conservative friend who I had been defending, but the way in which our other friend went about it was horrid.  You can tell I dislike confrontation.

Some randoms:

  • Indian food is delicious, but mind-boggling. I can never remember the taste. When I try to recall a taste memory of Indian food, I can’t. You know when you think of your favorite food, how you can crave it? I never remember enough of the flavor to crave Indian food. That said, when I eat it, it’s great. Perhaps it’s just because I don’t eat it frequently, but it’s just interesting. Or, maybe it is because sometimes the appearance and scents are also unfamiliar.
  • I’m officially going to end up with an A- in financial analysis and likely an A- or A in management science. I find it somewhat comical that I’m doing better in my quant classes than my writing/seminar ones, given my background.
  • Firefly is an amazing television show, and I can’t believe it took me this long to be aware of it. Super funny! Highly recommended.
  • The warm weather is inspiring a need to frolic. I hope I have time to run around outside and frolic in the sunshine sometime soon.
  • I’m going to try to shove as much kink into the next 3 weeks as possible. We’ll see how this goes. I ❤ playing and whatnot, and it just helps me out. When I can submit in personal situations, I am able to take control the rest of the time in a much more effective, focused way. Aside from that, it is just so much more fun as a social interaction to not have to filter or be in control during the entirety of the interaction. Whether one on one or at a kink event, I don’t have to be a Dominant force, whereas in my day-to-day life I normally do. I don’t always mind it, but it takes its toll.

Now that I’ve procrastinated long enough, back to the next group assignment of this week. Ugh.

Follow Up

We didn’t win the competition, unfortunately. We made top 5 out of 23 ,which I’m happy about, but no cash prize :(.

I reserved a penske truck today and figured out tv/internet for next year. I move 5 weeks from today…time is FLYING.

I have to write a 2-4pg paper defining global climate change…not an easy feat. I’m currently procrasinating (shocker, right?).

It was 85 degrees today – amazingly beautiful. Nothing like sunshine to cheer you up!

Last night I went to a munch that had an objectification demo, and then afterwards to a play party. The objectification demo made me think. In some ways, I think objectification is demeaning, humiliating, and it almost angers me. In other ways, I find it incredibly arousing.  Serving as furniture, for example, bothers me, but one-on-one could possibly work out. Serving as some form of grope toy, again in private, I think would be very hot. Serving as a platter for food or something, either in private or with just one other couple, would be embarrassing and difficult for me, but also is kind of arousing.  As with many things, I feel like it is something I’d have to approach with just the right kind of attitude with a Dom I very much trusted/cared for. Being someone’s christmas toy to decorate with tinsel and what not is humiliating, but not necessarily in a bad way as long as it isn’t done in a “making fun of you” sort of way or to laugh at me.

Anyhow, we went to a play party afterwards which was good. I got to experience a beating by the same Dom who really pushed my limits at the 4P and with nipple torment. I’m still crazy surprised by how much I love pain. I was shaking/shuddering for a good hour or so after we stopped playing. Moreover, I actually entered subspace, which was a first for me. It’s like things just stopped hurting for a little bit, talking got difficult, and things were just very pleasant. I came out of it a bit from talking with the Dom, which was probably good because I don’t know if I’d be able to safeword in that headspace.

I was a bit hesitant to play at first because no one else had started yet, and I’m not really a big exhibitionist. Making noise/reacting in front of others is hard for me. That said, on a cross it was easier because I wasn’t facing anyone, background music was loud enough to drown out others, and the Dom was more personal which kept things good. I also appreciate his ability to read the sub he’s playing with. For example, as I said, reacting in front of others is more difficult for me, I get more shy/nervous and embarrassed. I’m getting better at it, but it’s still hard. He started to encourage me to cry out and push for a reaction, but when he realized I wasn’t purposely holding back, he understood what was going on and switched tactics. I wish more people were that aware and willing to read their play partners.

I still can’t wait to try hard-core pain with more extreme restraints. I love being tied up in rope unable to move, and I love the pain…I can only imagine what it’d be like together. I’ve also been teased just enough to be very curious about tickle torture. I’m more ticklish than I ever realized before, and I find the sheer helplessness of tickling to be very hot.

I also met some great people I hadn’t met before, which was fun. The crowd was very positive, friendly, and intimate, which was right up my alley. People gave you space if you needed it, and were quick to laugh. Since I didn’t know many people going in, I appreciated that a lot. I am starting to feel very, very comfortable with the kink community and folks here…which sucks, in a way, since I’m leaving in 5 weeks.

3 weeks til classes are over, 4 weeks til finals are over, and 5 weeks til I move to DC. EEP.

So much schoolwork in that time period, though!

For my own organizational purposes:

This week, I have a blog entry, exam, and paper due. Then I have a week of nothing just a blog entry. The third week I have two group presentations, one group paper (5-7 pages double spaced), one individual paper (5-7 pgs, double spaced), and a group project (max 10 pgs, single spaced). The last week, finals week, I have two group papers (one with a 15 pg double spaced minimum, the other with a 15 page double spaced max), and 4 exams. But, one of the exams is open book/notes, and two others I get “cheat sheets.”  And of course, none of this included any of the reading I’m supposed to be doing.

Life Finals

Talk about the longest week ever…a day of finals, errands, packing, and driving to DC, followed by two days of hard core networking/conference (on tech-heavy, complicated things), followed by two days of interviews, networking, and logistical nightmares, concluded with apartment hunting and more traveling. Have to unpack, do laundry, repack, and off to travel some more. I’m going nuts.

Some good things for the week:

  • I got a particular fellowship for this summer that guarantees me $2500 and an internship in DC. My close friend also got it (1o were awarded from about 50 applicants, so crazy that we both won).
  • I found an apartment for next year in DC! Great location, amenities, price… really it is perfect.
  • I got to see a friend that I rarely see
  • I got to see Secretary Chu and a variety of other awesomely interesting influential speakers

Some bad things:

  • I lost my ID card, AGAIN. This is the 3rd time this year. It costs $25 to replace, so I really need to figure out a way to not do this.
  • Apparently I grind my teeth in my sleep…not good
  • One of my group members entirely abandoned our group paper, leaving the rest of us in a crazy lurch

I have to write a whole bunch of thank you/follow up emails before I leave, and I really don’t want to. I’m so sick of doing everything. I worry about logistics, and I like things to be organized and efficient. (aka, I’m a bit of a control freak.) DC does not work that way sometimes, and it drags on me. Add to that my 4 hrs of sleep, and I’m irritable as hell today. I’m in that weird in-between, partially sleepy, partly loopy, slightly horny, and in general wanting to submit. I need to come up with a better description for this mood, as it happens frequently (especially after particularly stressful times).

I still haven’t decided if I should drop my Tuesday night class next semester. The professor is great, and the class would teach some good skills, but I really would rather have Tuesday free for kinky things and the other class I’d take would be markedly easier. Choices, choices.

Can I just how sad I am to be leaving this city in two months? I’m just starting to really feel like it is home here. DC seems so overwhelming and large. Everything is complicated, and there are just so many people. Even the kink community there is huge. I kind of like the more intimate feel of the Pittsburgh scene, because people are very welcoming and willing to make friends with new people. I feel like I’ll lose that in DC.

Random, but I’m also still seeking a new vibrator. Suggestions are welcome.