Thoughts

I have some lovely marks and soreness from Rapture (although the lingering soreness in my wrist, the one that lost all feeling during a scene, is somewhat disconcerting). I played with a girl – well, she played with me – for the first time. It was tame, mainly receptive of some above the waist things during a scene with her Dom, but was still fun. I met some more really interesting and cool people this time, which is always fun. Still no rope, though, which is going to have to be remedied soon. I miss it.

But then, of course, I spend almost the whole day with some friends/classmates working on a group project. Sometimes, I really start questioning what it would be like to have no kink at all, no power dynamic, and if that is something I could even handle. It sucks, because I really don’t know if I could handle that long term. Then again, who knows how people’s sexuality could develop?

In other news, my brain hurts from working on this project. People always make kind of a big deal on how quickly my brain works, how fast I can type, etc., and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to be the oddity, and even assuming it’s a good thing, I don’t know how to respond. I don’t want to make other people feel incompetent or anything, but simultaneously, I can’t really help how I think.

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Hectic Week

Life lately has been VERY hectic.

  • Recurrence of my strep throat…yup, it came back. Had some new antibiotics, and it looks like it’s cleared up. Lots of blood was taken to check for mono and other diseases…should find out tomorrow what’s up with my body hating me.
  • The Dr I went to last week when I was sick was nice, but the office is entirely incompetent. My arm is bruised all over from drawing blood, the place was full of old equipment, they called my emergency contact with my results instead of me – after over a week, when it should’ve taken 3 days.
  • I had only accrued 9 hours of sick leave at work, and I had to take off 16 hours…this resulted in the largest clusterfuck of bureaucracy today. Lots of forms, memos, phone calls, and stress. Hopefully it will all get finalized and worked out tomorrow.
  • Went to Pittsburgh, saw my first Opera (which was great!), saw friends, got stressed out about job searching from said friends, and was reminded of all the things I loved about the city.
  • Did I mention job searching? Yeah, I’m behind on that. It’d help if I knew WTF I wanted to do… I think I’m going to work on making a list of places I’m interested in, look up alumni, then start setting up informational interviews. The issue is I want to stay where I am, but that might not be possible due to budget.
  • Work is great, but just got CRAZY busy. I’m now working on a second engagement for a few hours/week, which just adds to the stress level. Being sick last week didn’t help.
  • I think I’ve finally cemented that poly doesn’t work for me, I’m too jealous a person. I want to be special and treasured, not one of many. Being one of the girls doesn’t work for me. I’m a bit possessive, and I want my partner to be a bit possessive, but only if we’re agreed on being with one another in a monogamous situation.
  • My brain has started just giving up on things. Today, I mispronounced words all day. It’s like I got dyslexia of the mouth… hopefully sleep will cure this.
  • Hoping to go to BBN this weekend, maybe also to the DC TNG event. I may have missed the RSVP period for BBN, though, which would be unfortunate. I don’t want to have sex with anyone, even though orgies ensue there. I plan on being clothed, hopefully being tied up, and perhaps beaten. I don’t need to be all sexual and naked too. I swear I’m finally going to get the balls to assert this up front this time.
  • My free time is pretty much going to be gone for a while. A new class started tonight, and it’s worthwhile but will take a lot of time and effort. Added to that, the other classes I’m in have picked up hardcore. I have group meetings or class every night this week, it’s a bit ridiculous. I don’t know when I’m going to see people.

Fast and Slow

Sure enough, I have strep throat. Apparently it’s the worst case the doctor has ever seen…probably because I waited a week before going to a doctor. I’m on drugs now, and it’s sort of helping, but my throat still looks disgustingly bad. This weekend is being spent sequestered in my apartment. It’s good, because I’m getting school things done, but it’s also weird and got in the way of my plans.

The movie “The Switch” with Jason Bateman is surprisingly good. I highly recommend it.

I bought a harvest colored rug for outside our door…it makes me super happy that it’s fall. I love the cooler weather, smells of fall, bonfires, pumpkin things, etc.

I’m nervous, excited, and anxious about going to my first DXS Rapture event. It will be interesting to observe everything there, even if it pushes me a bit out of my comfort zone.

Life Continues

So, “fixing” my computer’s video problem destroyed it. I am using my computer via my TV, thanks to VGA cables. Hopefully this is a temporary situation.

I am more productive without my computer, though, I will say that. I spend less time on facebook and fetlife, and more time sleeping/cleaning/doing homework.

For homework, though, it’s much more convenient to have my computer. Also for typing emails.

My parents are in town this weekend, which is great. They haven’t even left yet and I’m homesick, though. :(. It’s hitting home that I won’t be home for a decent amount of time ever again, unless I get super ill or am unemployed for a long time (both of which hopefully won’t happen). DC seems so far away from Indiana.

2-11 Randoms

The meeting with the Director of ONDCP went super well. I had a very proud moment when my professor realized – and admitted – that I was right and this one graph should’ve been kept in the presentation. The trip was exhausting, but worthwhile.

This morning, I had an awful midterm. I really hate when exams don’t represent what I actually have learned, and are made exceptionally difficult. Test me on what I need to know, but don’t TRY to make us fail on purpose. When you have to curve something more than 10 points, maaaaybe you’re teaching it poorly?

I’m missing kinky happy hour tonight, which kind of sucks. I really wanted to see and talk to people without filtering. But, my friend is coming in from Indiana, and seeing as how she’s driving over 6 hours to see me, I didn’t want to miss her.

You know how people crave sex sometimes? Or, they just want to cuddle, or make out, etc.? Don’t get me wrong, I want all of those things, but I’ve had the urge lately to give head. I want an extreme spanking, then I want to suck someone off. You know you’re a submissive when… That said, I’m not going to go whore it up at the club, and seeing as how I’m not seeing anyone right now, this is very much not going to happen.

But, my hell week is over! I’m taking a 48 hours break, then I have to start back up on it. I have to write a giant memo on my pot policy stuff, write up the notes and draft an introduction for a book my boss is publishing, do some lovely accounting homework (gag me), and start work on another paper. Woohoo. Less than a month until spring break!

In good news, though, I’ve got another interview for my job next year. I’ve got two lined up at this point. I’ve also applied to 26 places for summer internships… I’m hoping SOMEONE will hire me. Fingers crossed! I also may get to attend this energy summit in DC, where the secretary of energy and arnold schwarzenager are keynotes (among many other people, some of which I hope to work for one day). I hope to find out about tickets in the next few days.

Worker Bee

I was on campus until 11:30 on Friday, and from 10am to 12am yesterday. Working on homework. Studying. Actually doing work. And, I have several hours more to do today, and tomorrow, and the day after that…

For the record – I have NEVER invested this much of a weekend into studying before in my life. I think maybe, *maybe* I spent 10 hours studying for an exam on a Sunday once or twice, like right before the GRE, or before a final. But to spend 16 hours of time on one assignment for a class? Never.

I feel very productive, and at least I know I’m learning and getting my money’s worth of grad school. It’s just a tad daunting.

Random curiosity: when you want sex, you’re “horny” or “aroused.” What’s a good adjective for wanting to be spanked, or tied up?

Graph Porn

Today, I graduated from research assistant to policy analyst. AKA, I learned how to use all sorts of functions in excel to quantitatively analyze the 200+cell of data I’d gathered, I learned how to create some killer graphs, and I figured out a super-complex integer linear programming problem. Rock on, me.

I also am intrigued by how I *still* remember lyrics from songs I was into in 7th grade. Namely, “At the beginning” by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis, from Anastasia.

I also am amused by how the shuttles from my school are full with grad students at 11:30pm on a Friday night – because people were studying. And how, when I left my building, there were still 20+ people studying hard in the labs/lounges (out of like 130 first yrs in the program). Ridiculous. This is my first Friday study night, but it was productive AND fun, since I had friends and a cheap bulgoki bowl to brighten it up.

In other randomness:

Copied from a fetlife note:

A professor sent me a super-cool graphic that depicts the candidates in the republican party in a bubble graph. It shows likelihood of nomination, region, insider/outsider to party, and moderate/conservative all in one graph.

I know I’m a policy grad student, and as a result, my caring is likely much greater than the average person/kinkster. Even so, I love this type of graph and the type of insight it can show, and so I’m sharing.

I will note that I do not necessarily love where all the bubble-candidates fall, although of them all, I would be intrigued most if Daniels won the nomination. Not just because I’m from Indiana, either, but because of how moderate he is, and the chance of him giving Obama something to fight for.

The cool graph:
http://fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/02/04…

If you find graphs like these neat (my friends call them graph porn), then here’s a couple of fun youtube videos that really can blow your mind with bubble graphs.

Short and sweet (200 countries, 200 yrs, 4 minutes w/ Hans Rosling):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6t7ZZ_FY4o

TedTalk on “Interesting Data”
Minute 8:30 starts to get super cool, if you don’t want to sit for all of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVimVzgtD6w&feat…

Yeah…stuff like this entertains me. I really am that much of a nerd (at least, when it comes to policy I am).