I was fantasizing before bed last night, and I think I finally have some good inspiration for a story. On top of that, of course, it got me thinking about past experiences.
The basic premise of my to-be story is a focus on power exchange, pushing limits, and voluntarily suffering. Basically, instead of utilizing bondage to make someone helpless as in most of my writing, it would be using someone’s submission to her partner’s authority. Instead of being tied down, she must hold herself still. She must offer herself up for the things that are tormenting her – ask for them – even when she is crying from wanting them to stop.
As normally happens when I’m pondering a story idea, I started thinking about logistics, this time in the way of safewords and limits. How could the submissive character’s limits be pushed? How have my limits been pushed? Well, in truth, they’ve only been pushed a few times…I could count on one hand and precisely recall each time.
This came up a bit at Winter Fire, and I think the person I was playing with and trying to explain myself to didn’t get it at all. I’ve since tried explaining it to someone else who did seem to get it, so I’m not sure if it was me or him the first time. I could have just been too awkward to explain myself well. Anyhow, both times, I was trying a toy on my nipples that was excruciatingly painful. My nipples are very sensitive, but I do really like pain in that area. Thing is, there is pain that is pleasurable in and of itself, and then there is pain that just freaking hurts. I have a high tolerance, and I can endure the latter, but I do not desire to of my own free will. I will, however, gladly endure such pain if it pleases my partner. I will find extreme pleasure in suffering so deeply for my partner’s pleasure, mostly because of the strong sense of subjugation and power exchange. That difference – enduring for someone else versus for myself – is enough for my mind to switch all the sensations into this torturous pleasure.
So basically – put the little toy(s) on and ask me if I want it off – yes, I do. Don’t ask me and instead smile or get turned on by my pain – I’ll keep them on a little longer and won’t safeword. Should I be about to absolutely pass out from pain, I’ll safeword…but if you ask me if I want them off, of course I’m going to say yes! Not too complicated, eh?
I guess my limits aren’t pushed usually because often, people ask me if I’m ready to stop. Usually, that’s a social cue that they’re ready to stop (or at least that’s how I take it). Most people at events have several shorter scenes, and I don’t want to monopolize anyone’s time. As a result, I’ll say sure, I’m ready to stop, even if I could go for much longer. By pushing limits, I mean I want to be pushed to the point where I want to stop, where I would beg for it to stop, and I want my partner to push just a bit farther. I want to scream and cry and plead, and have my partner revel in that power and choose when to stop as he so pleases.
At the end of the day, I don’t want to decide when clamps come off or a scene stops. I want my partner to trust that if it’s truly too much, I’ll safeword, and the rest of the time, do as he will and enjoy the hell out of it, and I’ll enjoy it equally as much in response. You are in control – stop the scene when you’re ready to be done, and I’ll stop it with a safeword if I need to. Don’t ask me when to do it or that puts me in control of everything!