All Clear

I FINALLY got caught up with my “awesomeness journal” entries. I was 5 behind, and there was so much associated stress. I didn’t feel like I could really process anything else until I did that. Now I just need to go through the crap in my room and clean it out as well as choose a google reader replacement, and all the little to-dos will disappear.

I’m out of country for work right now. Back in the warzone, basically. It’s been ok, overall. I’m getting more familiar with my supervisor, boss, and some coworkers. Work is going very well. I’ve led some meetings successfully, was told by my supervisor to apply for a promotion soon, we’re getting what we need out of our trip, and our final product is going to get major press which will look good for my career. I’m learning a lot, too, including how to play spades! Today was a rough one – 4:30am wake up call with the alarms to take shelter. I heard several explosions, apparently they were about 2 miles away. It wasn’t as scary as I expected it would be, namely because my coworkers were with me and I was in a “hardened” building. Machine gun guys were all around, which also helped me feel better. I did, however, go through 3 cups of coffee to make it through the workday, which is a VERY rare occurrence for me. I was oddly having a dream about an attack on government buildings when I awoke, so that was kind of creepy too.

One good thing about this trip is how much I’ve been in contact with folks back home. I feel like I’m getting fun emails from friends that really make me value the relationships I’ve developed. I’m lucky to have these people.

I’m missing a new roommate moving in, which is sort of comical as the other prior roommate tries to adjust. She’s introverted, and the new girl is young…apparently they both were sequestered all weekend. It’ll be interesting to see how things develop upon my return.

I’ve read a ton of books while I’m here. I think I’m at 6? I need to blog/review a few good ones I read in Vegas. I also keep meaning to write about certain other topics, but we’ll see if I get there.

That’s all for now.


Left the Crucible bloody, bruised, sore, and nearly broken; had a nonconsensual interaction with a set of stairs. This morning I was barely able to move because of the pain. I popped some ibuprofen, which has helped make walking easier, but the timing for this couldn’t be worse. I need all my facilites on board for this move.

Went to College Night last night, which was good. I still had all my usual pre-event anxiety, but it was good to get out and meet new people. I’m still attracted to engineering types, apparently. I’m also still a pretty intense pain slut. I really love rough body play. I like the intimacy with the person hurting me and the pure strength and surrender. It’s a type of pain that is easier for me to endure, but it still pushes my limits.

My roommates have vanished, and neither one took care of their trash and crap. I’m getting kind of sick of this. I mean, really, how hard is it to take responsibility for your own mess? If it’s YOUR furniture, deal with it! If your cat ruined the carpets, pay for the replacement and/or cleaning. Moreover, if you have someone moving in with you, wait to decide on decor until you’re all present, and leave room for their furnishings too. It’s everyone’s home, not just one roommate’s. I can’t wait to have my own place.


I officially passed my medical clearance, woohoo! I’m pretty much the healthiest I’ve ever been. Blood pressure, glucose, cholesterol, white and red blood cell counts, etc, are all good. No skin cancer, no STDs, no anything! I definitely still need to shed another 20lbs or so, but my efforts to be healthy are winning. So, one hurdle down. The security forms were all filed too, only apparently my handwriting was illegible so I need to resubmit them. But, I’m several steps closer to the end of this process.

Of course, now that I’ve moved this far along in the process, the agency I interned with last summer is looking to hire and now that might be a possibility. The job is a little more boring and less intense, but it would likely pay the same, would result in competitive hiring status, and wouldn’t have risk of death. So, you know, there are benefits. I’m kind of just letting things be what they’ll be at this point. Similarly, it still isn’t over in waiting on an internship to work out, and if that does fail, I’ve got a backup plan now. My school needs help with admissions and grants, so at least I can have something to fill my time in a “worst-case” situation.

I went to a violet wands class yesterday, which was pretty cool. I still have marks on my arm from it, and it really didn’t hurt that much. Apparently my tendency to get sunburn will be an issue in playing with this toy. It’s especially nifty how you can use the body contact probe so that one person’s touch is electrified. As sensitive as I am without electricity, I can only imagine the possibilities with it. If only it didn’t cost $500-$900 for a set…

In other randoms:

  • I really dislike most of what is considered trendy fashion. Prints and bright colors are in, and other than plaid and some geometric stuff, I hate prints. Some occasional florals work, but in general, it is just too much in my mind. I like it classic, simple.
  • I’m officially a card-carrying member of kink, in that I actually joined BR. I just think it’s amusing that it’s so official now.
  • With some re-evaluation, I think more of what I like about both rope and pain is it’s ability to center and focus me. I tend to get scattered and distracted easily, call it high-strung or ADHD, but concentrating on the moment isn’t the easiest thing for me. When tied up, you really have no other option. It’s everything that appeals to me about road trips, only much more sensually loaded. (With road trips, I love that you can’t feel guilty about reading, talking, listening to music, etc. because you couldn’t be doing anything else – you can’t feel guilty about relaxing when tied up, because you have no other option.) Pain has a similar end result, only gets there because it just forces you to think about it and only it.
  • My roommates have been absent or asleep to the extent that I almost feel like I’m living alone. It’s kind of awesome, if only the demon cat was less of a demon.
  • I forgot how nice it was to be able to read, stay current on what’s going on in the world, meet up with friends, etc. without feeling underlying anxiety from too much to do. I mean, right now I still have the anxiety from our capstone project, a midterm, and a paper, but without work I can actually get a grasp on when I’ll get things done. I can’t wait until graduation, when I can have a life, have hobbies, and actually be a good long-distance friend.

Life With More Energy

Rope bite was top of my list tonight, but with rush hour traffic and rain it is an hour away…add to that getting off work later than expected, and that’s not handy for attending an event. Someday soon rope will re-enter my life, and it will be amazing. Worst case, July 9th there is guaranteed rope.

That apartment is all settled, if crowded. 4 people in a 3br place is not the best scenario, primarily because of one roommate’s inability to clean up after herself. I’m sort of kind of a bit of a neat freak, and it’s getting out of hand. Thankfully I have other roommates who agree with my type of clean, so hopefully we’ll nail down the issues this week.

I’ve been working for just over a week now at my “official” internship. I really enjoy some aspects of it, though I fight with my procrastination sometimes. I get to work on trade policy and economic analysis projects, which is really letting my utilize the skills from my graduate program. I get to work on forecasting and economic analysis, research informing trade agreements, and facilitation of GAO audits for the department. More than anything, I appreciate the chance to witness and be a part of how government agencies coordinate and interact to make policy happen. It fascinates me.

I just finished a really good book (reading on the metro = yay) called Blind Your Ponies. I’d recommend it. It goes through the trials and tribulations, as well as the successes, of the residents of a small town in Montana and their high school basketball team. The characters all had great personality and the book really comes to life. A website for the bibliophiles out there –

Now I’m just getting pumped for the weekend. I’m going to a nice french restaurant with a large group of friends tomorrow night, which is exciting. They have tartiflette, this dish local to the Savoie region where I studied abroad, so I’m thrilled. I’m also going to get to see some friends that I’ve been out of touch with. It’s the little things that are helping me feel connected to the city.

I waver back and forth between feeling like DC is huge and unmanageable, like the logistics will prevent me from doing anything fun and the sheer number of people will swarm over me and suffocate what breath I have left after long days of working. <– see that? That’s my mini panic that comes out whenever I think about it. But then, at the same time, I adore how patriotic I feel living here, the type of work I can do here, the abundance of things to do, the variety of people, etc. It’s a fine line, and I’m still not sure what will win out eventually.

Random pet peeves of the week: people listening to their music so loudly on the metro that I can’t think, Weiner resigning when his constituents haven’t lost faith yet, people not RSVPing to things and then bitching about not being included.

Lastly, I am more and more confident in my submission over just my desire to bottom. I’ve spoken with some previous play partners, and while my submission reveals itself infrequently/to specific men, it is most definitely there. I only await the time when it can be nourished to something more fulfilling.

Moved and Settled-ish

I have officially moved to Silver Spring, and at this point all my stuff is unpacked/hung/decorated. It’s a weird feeling.

There are some great benefits to roommates. 1) There is always someone to share jokes, stories, happy, sad, etc. moments with. 2) I can sit down at a table for meals and TV with someone else. 3) If I need a hand to hang a photo, someone is there. 4) I have someone to kick my ass into going to the gym.

There are also downfalls…Namely, I miss being able to do whatever I want without worrying about anyone’s judgement or activities.

This isn’t helped by the friend sleeping on our couch for a week (he moves out Monday, thank God). Unfortunately, all summer there will be 4 of us living here, one more than the rest of the year. I love my friends, but this many folks is going to be a bit much. It saves money though, which is good.

I’m already missing Pittsburgh, most especially my kinky friends. I despise that I met a great person just before leaving. I hate that I have to start it all over again. Ugh.

There are tons of groups in the area, depending on how far I want to drive and what type of venue I wish for.

  • FREAK – Frederick, MD, but it’s a bit of a drive with traffic
  • Fairfax Munch – again a bit of a drive
  • Rockville Area Munch
  • Pirates Munch in SSpring
  • Black Rose
  • DC TNG
  • Baltimore TNG (again though, a bit of a drive)
  • Rope Bite Baltimore
  • Baltimore Bondage Club
  • The Crucible (which eventually will reopen)
  • Lucky Lounge club nights
  • FetFest Nights/Events at Tabu
  • Dark Odyssey (primarily for their big events)

It’s a TAD BIT overwhelming, more especially as someone new to the area, submissive, female, under-30, and generally not that experienced in all things “lifestyle” as it is. I need to find a non-creepy someone to go to an event with. I’m crossing my fingers that it happens.