Fetlife Labels

Currently, my label on Fetlife reads “submissive.” I chose this label because a Dominant as a partner would be most likely to meet the majority of my needs. The reality, however, is that a variety of labels suit me depending on the time, place, and people involved. I don’t want a potential play partner or romantic interest to rule themselves out because of my label, hence this post. At the end of the day, I am who I am, and I could not care less about labels. Thing is, marketing is important in terms of addressing the right audiences. So, here goes.

Kink Labels, Roles, and Identities:

My primary role is submissive. You wouldn’t know it at first – I’m in no way the type to kneel down to everyone. I don’t call all Dominants “Sir” or “Ma’am.” I don’t submit during casual play. I’m very opinionated, independent, ambitious, energetic, and snarky. All that enthusiasm and passion goes towards pleasing my partner when I’m submitting to someone (with a side of humor), but it can be a bit intense at first. It takes someone with their shit together who is confident and unafraid of their own power for me to submit. I react strongly to powerful people. When I acknowledge someone’s authority over me, I surrender to it wholeheartedly. It’s just that because that level of vulnerability, intimacy, and devotion is such an intense thing, I don’t do so casually. I need to have a solid relationship foundation first. I’m currently seeking a Dominant man, preferably mostly monogamous, for a long term relationship. I’m not interested in full 24/7 D/s, but more of a bedroom-certain activities type of thing. I’m new to this, and have much room for growth.

My primary need is my masochism. I both love and hate this part of myself – I have a mixture of pride, shame, fear, lust, and excitement that all kind of go with it. At the end of the day, though, it’s an elemental part of who I am. Pain is a fantastic emotional release for me. It’s cathartic. When I’m stressed, pain forces me to be in the moment and relax enough to embrace it. With the right partner, pain is also pure pleasure for me. I can get off purely on pain sometimes. My biggest kinks relate back to my masochism (teasing and denial, nipple torture, covert bondage/teasing). I have a high pain tolerance, and I enjoy – need – to push those limits. It’s extremely difficult for me to find sadists to play with, which is frustrating. I need more than service tops pleasing me with pain; I need to know that the person administering the pain is getting off on giving it. I don’t want them to just hurt me until I cum – I want them to stop only if and when they want to, unless I safeword. I want my desire to please to be manipulated so I can take more. I want them to want me to suffer for them, and I want to endure for them. I’m seeking a Sadist who can push my limits to whom I’m sexually attracted and emotionally connected.

My primary fetish is rope bondage. I enjoy all bondage as a bottom (and am alway up for some time in chains/straps/cuffs), but rope is the big fetish. With rope, I switch. I enjoy tying and tying others. I enjoy rope for fun, for sex, or for restraint. I enjoy rope by itself – I’ll sleep with it sometimes. I enjoy the feel of it on my skin and the sensuality of it, the smell. I enjoy the possibilities, the stretching of muscles and testing of my flexibility. I like using it for leverage to grapple. I enjoy the options – you can be tied to anything! I love it, I get off on it, and I find peace in it. I’m always seeking more people to tie me up or to practice on, whether just for fun, for practice, or for a more elaborate scene.

My recreational kinky hobby is letting my inner sadist play. I like to play, to tease, and to have fun. I enjoy flogging others and sensory play. I like messing with knives, tickling, my nails, and wartenburg wheels. I like wrestling and winning, then taking advantage. I’m learning – I’m VERY new to topping – but I get a lot of giggly glee from messing with my friends. I have to really trust someone’s communicative abilities to do any of this, though. Most frequently, topping for me is a service thing or just for fun, I’m not into creating a really intense, fearful, surprising, creative scene…at least not right now. I’m not really seeking anything with this, but rather catch me in the right mood and I’ll give it a go.

My primary sexual identity is heteroflexible (code: mostly straight). There’s some flexibility there, but it’s selective. For the most part, I’m interested in forming romantic relationships with men, and I’m interested in sex with men. For kink, though, it’s a bit different. I’m only comfortable with above-the-waist sexual play with females, and I’m very new to it. It’s rare, but when I’m feeling it with someone I’m willing to go with it. I do enjoy scening with woman however, assuming a certain dynamic with them and mental connection. I find the tender, giggly sadism that woman tend to have very appealing.

Important Notes for Play:

  • I don’t do pick-up play well…I find the idea of being one of a long list of appointments in an evening very distasteful. I prefer to play with friends, and make arrangements to play with them. I make exceptions if there’s a strong initial attraction, if I’m experimenting with something new with an expert, if I’m demo-ing, or if we have mutual friends who really recommend it. It comes down to attitude; when I “scene” with someone (not random experimentation, but an actual scene), I focus 100% on them, and I want the same in return. I don’t want to hear about other play dates scheduled and I don’t want to feel rushed. I want interruptions minimal and ignored as much as possible. I need to trust my partner, be comfortable with them, and not feel overly awkward (nerves are ok). I need to have a strong mental connection and some form of attraction, whether it be physical, intellectual, or something else. Point of this tangent – if you ask to play, I may put you off because of the above. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m not interested, but it may be too soon, the mood might not be right, or I may just not be comfortable with the particular location.
  • Added to that, I don’t do sex in public, and I don’t do scenes where my sexual pleasure is the focus unless we are regular play partners. There are certain private play parties where this may vary, but that’s the exception not the rule. Don’t pull out vibrators for a scene in public – let me suggest them if I want them. Sexual touching without discussing it first makes me uncomfortable. Scening does not mean I’ve given you permission to mess with my nipples or genitals.
  • Lastly, public humiliation and degradation aren’t my kinks. I like teasing and being flustered, I don’t like being made to feel worthless. I don’t like being condescended to. Face slapping, feet stepping on my face, crawling, bizarre/attention-drawing toys, writing on me, name-calling (other than ‘slut for me’ or ‘my slut’) – all are no. In a relationship, in private, they aren’t necessarily limits…but otherwise, no. It’s safer to ask before doing anything along these lines.

My “First” Suspension

I was suspended this weekend, and it was awesome.

I had been suspended once before, but in many ways I don’t think it counts. I was very skeptical of the whole thing, and last September a local well-seasoned rope man strung some rope into a swing and had me sit in it, lean back and added some more ropes so that I wasn’t touching the floor at all. It was fun, comfortable, and showed me that yes, rope does hold.

Since then, I’ve concentrated mainly on floor and partial suspension work. I love hogties and predicaments, ball ties and shrimp ties. Who am I kidding, I love all rope. I met rope people and played with rope people, but I was afraid to ask people to suspend me. Most of the people getting suspended are super tiny, petite folks, and I’m not that at all. I didn’t want to ask and be told I’m too heavy, so I just held off.

Recently, I self-suspended at a local event and that allayed some of my residual hesitancy. I realized that you can lean into and lift into suspensions in ways that don’t require the rigger to lift your body weight. That, combined with more knowledge of nerve placement and an increase in fuller-figured women in rope on fetlife (and threads about that), and I started to get more comfortable. The real clincher was trusting my rope partner. I brought up suspension several weeks ago to indicate my interest in a “if you’re into it, I’d be into it” type of way. I figured that gave him an out if he didn’t feel comfortable with it, and left it at that. Well, this weekend he suggested we try a suspension, and I was all for it.

I was nervous and afraid that it would hurt too much or something wouldn’t be able to hold me, essentially that I’d make an awful spectacle of myself. Instead, things went splendidly. We did a side suspension. I started off in a TK (chest harness), and then he added support to my right thigh and leg and tied me into a partial suspension. I then lifted up my other leg and he tied it up as well before adding some ropes around my waist and ankles.

Suspension is amazingly freeing. Escaping is even less feasible than floor ties, only squirming leaves you spinning. The loss of grounding left me feeling even more out of control, which was right up my alley. There was a little pain where my weight was mostly being held off of ropes around my thigh, but I enjoyed that too because it was just enough to keep me in the moment.

In other rope news…still waiting on my Maui Kink rope order of hemp and coconut. I did purchase about 200 feet of Jute from a local seller, and I’m in love with it. It’s rough, scratchy, and smells divine.

I will say that the one benefit to a monogamous rope relationship would be that I’d always have a guaranteed partner for classes. There’s a predicament bondage class coming up next week that I’d love to check out, but I don’t have a partner for the class. I don’t want to pay and drive all the way to Baltimore only to be the awkward girl in the corner with no one to play with. Or, almost worse, since it’s a predicament class, to be paired with a really creepy stranger. Stinks.

Randoms 7/19

A day for randoms. Haven’t done this in a while, but it’s time.

I love polka dots on clothing. I love when classic retro mixes with preppy. Think Audrey Hepburn goes sailing. Navy, camel, white, black, deep red, grey, plum. Polka dots, argyle, plaid. Full A-line dresses, pencil skirts, cardigans, blazers, scarves. Mary janes, oxfords, sperrys. Pearls, headbands, burberry. If I were a rich girl, I’d splurge on creating a closet full of these things.

This video is awesome. Carly Rae Jepson by military folks in Afghanistan.

I’m already debating jumping ship at work. I’m going crazy with no work to do! There’s only so much news-reading someone can do in a day. I feel guilty for not working, and yet I have no way to get something to do.

I’ve recently been obsessed with Earl Grey tea. Loving the caffeine in the morning. It also helps because getting coffee at work is a major social thing.

I find texting extremely complicated. It’s so hard to read tone, unless people put in exclamation points or happy faces. There’s so much drama about how long to wait to respond, etc. and so many unwritten rules. Ick. At the same time, I love the convenience and the conciseness of texts.

Every weekend another group of acquaintances on facebook get married. People need to stop it!! My friends are too young for this.

Something that was driven home in the last few months was that I really can’t play with people I’m not attracted to. You don’t have to necessarily be a certain type of physically attractive, but I need you to inspire some form of desire in me for me to bottom to you. You could just have a really powerful vibe, or a great sense of humor that puts me at ease, or there could be a great physical spark – whatever it is, I need something. Just because I like someone as a friend doesn’t mean we have a dynamic that works for me for play. Rope practice? Sure, because it’s a casual, non-threatening, non-sexual thing. Pain play, however, requires a very specific headspace for me; in order to enjoy pain, I have to want you to hurt me, be attracted to your sadism and/or dominance. If not, it just hurts, and not in a fun way. A sensual or sexual rope scene – I have to want your hands on me, want to be helplessly at your mercy.

Edited a few days later to add:

I suspended myself (for a minute, but still), which was awesome. It was far easier than I thought. I also realized that if I can do that to myself so easily, really it shouldn’t be that difficult for someone else to do it to me. I always felt like it’d be a burden to suspend me since I’m not super tiny, but this gave me confidence that it shouldn’t be as much of an issue as I was making it in my head.

7/8

Well, I’m on my first “official” business trip, even though it’s just for training. It’s strange, I have a whole hotel room to myself, which I’m not used to at all. It does make me feel grown up, though. I’m excited for this training – I get to shoot guns and learn driving tricks. Now, if I could shake this headache and nausea before having to do a forced skid from going backwards at 45mph, that’d be great.

On a similar note, looks like I’ll be going to the war zone a lot sooner than anticipated. I guess I was still skeptical that I’d have to go at all, but they’re saying early Fall now. After hearing the financial benefits of going longer term, I’m not as concerned as I was before, but it’s still dangerous. I’m not sure how I’ll handle myself in such a stressful environment, but if ever there was a time to go do something dangerous, now is it.

In other related job things, a guy at work asked me out last week. I’m a bit pissed off about it, actually, because really? Who asks someone out after they’ve been there 2 weeks?! It’s frustrating, because now it has the potential to be really awkward for the rest of my time working there. I’d like friends at work, but dating someone at work is risky. If it were a contractor and I was very interested, maybe, but it’d have to be someone pretty damn spectacular for me to go for it. I went online that night and realized the guy is on OkCupid and had viewed my profile, and that definitely could be part of why he asked me. Thing is, just because I’m single doesn’t mean I want to date everyone.

After that, I started considering deleting my OkC profile. I’m a bit overcommitted right now between varying groups of friends, kinky play arrangements, and dating. I don’t have a lot of time for another person in my schedule. If it were a new kinky person, I’d probably make time, but OkC people are not usually kinky people. (And if you read this regularly you know how bad I am at identifying when they are…)

It’s funny though, because one of my vanilla friends met a kinky guy I know, and definitely thought it was an OkC connection. Apparently when asked how we met, kinky guy said “out in DC,” which is normally vanilla guy’s code for an online date. I couldn’t really explain any better, so I think I seemed bizarrely vague to vanilla friend. Oh well. As one friend said recently, telling people about my kink is kind of addictive. Once you’re out to one friend, it’s easier to come out to others, sometimes when you might be better off witholding that information. It was an interesting 4th of July though, mixing a kinky person into my vanilla group. It was nice, actually, because it wasn’t an issue at all. I only know a few kinky folks who would fit in with my ‘nilla friends, and it’s so much simpler when they do.

In a last note on dating, I think I’ve determined that at this point, kink is a necessity in my relationships. I’m enjoying myself too much for it not to be. I’d scale it back for the right person, but I like attending classes and workshops, and seeing my kinky friends, going to parties, etc. It’s fun. It lets me explore. As a result, next time I see vanilla date dude, I’m going to need to clarify some shit. Hopefully that will go smoothly.

I’ve also been thinking a lot more about polyamory lately. I really just don’t know how I feel about it. On many levels, I’m fine with people loving as they want, and all that jazz. On other levels, I want to be the priority, the primary. I want to be special and different – yes, more important – than the other people my partner may play with. I wish I was a less possessive person, but honestly, after my childhood that had long periods of emotional neglect, I’m admittedly more insecure. I can trust someone not to physically harm me relatively quickly, but to trust someone enough to believe they aren’t going to take advantage of/betray my trust, well, that takes a lot more effort.

I did promise some more details about Fusion in an earlier post, so I can delve a bit more in depth here. One of the things I did that was new for me was make out with a girl. I love kissing, but I’ve kissed more bad kissers than good ones (note: eating my face is not hot). This woman in particular was a great kisser, and it was definitely different than with a guy – softer, and somehow easier to be agressive. Another experience for me was masturbating around other people. I got myself off in a group setting – two other women were masturbating, another was watching, and two men were watching/participating in various fashions. It was late, dark, a little chilly and damp. It was also really hot. I’ve never watched porn, really, but watching people in real life is sexy. It’s been nice to branch out a bit and be more open to playing sexually in public. The next day, I did a heavy S/m scene in the dungeon in just my panties, which was a new level of exposure for me as well. (I also hit subspace harder than I think I ever have, which was kind of awesome. I came from this guy punching my ass…yes, in some conditions, I’m most definitely a pain slut.)

Since Fusion, I’ve been able to play a bit more with rope which has been fun. I did a scene that was a lot rougher and included rope, which was uber-hot. I hit subspace from that as well, which is always a bit strange. I get in this headspace where I really would do anything or take anything, I think, if it pleased the person I was playing with. Everything becomes pleasurable and I can’t even think. And then I climax, and proceed to shake for about an hour or two with aftershocks.

To sum this up on yet another unrelated note, I think I may write another erotic story soon. I had some inspiration about the potential for a drive-in movie or road trip. Basically,  I have an idea for how to be bound in a particular way inside a car, and then combine that with some good ol’ orgasm denial and teasing with some minor exhibitionism. On the one hand, I feel like my short erotic stories all have the same themes and thus are boring, but if I add more character depth I end up writing way too much. I need to find some form of balance.

Day 12, 30 Days of Kink

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

This one’s easy, and recalls an experience I had about a month ago. I’m an active member of the Washington, DC kink community, including the DC Rope group. One of DR’s goals is to bring educational rope events to the local community, and in April they brought in Midori, a well-known rope educator/expert. There were two days of classes, one focusing on her speciality of rope dance, and the other combining rope speed and flow and predicament bondage. I only attended the second day. I attended the event with a friend who I’d played with a good deal before, so we’re comfortable with one another, joking/laughing/talking during play was normal.

Anyhow, the speed and flow class involved choosing one tie, and then you first had ten minutes to tie your partner. The partners would then switch – everyone had to do all parts of the class (no pure top/bottoming). Since I normally stick to being a rope bottom, this was new territory for me. After we’d done it once that way, we then repeated the drill with less time, one handed with our dominant hand, one handed with our non-dominant hand, and then blindfolded. You can imagine that this was entertaining in and of itself.

Thing is, Midori is known for her rope dance, which involves creating connection with your partner and maintaining it throughout a scene. She emphasizes physicality during play, and throwing your partner around is highly encouraged. My friend and I kept getting scolded for not playing rough enough during the first few drills. So, we got more playful, and while I was tying him up, top that he is, he kept trying to overpower me. Since he’s a decently strong and large man (over 6′), and I’m not that great a rigger, he was succeeding, and it started cracking me up. This continued throughout the rest of the class, and the look Midori gave us was priceless. We definitely got the “Behave, children!” glare a few times. For wrestling in a bondage class, after being told to get physical. Maybe you had to be there, but I found it really funny at the time and still do.

Plus, added bonus – I learned that I can enjoy rigging and I’m not half bad at it. The class also spawned an idea for a scene that purposely involved a guy letting me tie him up only to be overpowered and taken down (hot, right? I think so.).

Personally, I’d much rather take my kink with a healthy dose of humor. Laughing and joking really helps me relax into the situation and enjoy myself more. If I’m not comfortable enough to tease/snark/laugh, than I usually spend too much time over-thinking things and not enough time enjoying myself.

Day 2, 30 Days of Kink

Day 2: List your kinks.

Well, I’ve done that before; see my Fetishes and Limits post. Or, better yet, see my fetlife profile.

But hey, in the interest of this exercise, I’ll do it again.

My biggest kink is bondage. Continue reading

4/16

This weekend, I went to a great class by Midori. It was a two-part course on predicament bondage and rope speed and flow. I’d heard great things about Midori, but this was my first time meeting her. She’s a fabulous presenter – great sense of humor, interactive, and she knows her shit.

The predicament bondage session was entertaining, but didn’t really get into anything I didn’t already know. That said, it did make me think a bit about motivation. She discussed reward and consequence, and how that varies between bottoms and submissives/service-minded individuals. In many ways, I’m definitely more of a bottom than a submissive. That said, with predicaments or pain, a big part of my motivation is pleasing my partner, which is more of a service-oriented mindset. For a pure masochist/sensationalist bottom, a biscuit would be related to acts they enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, an orgasm or time in rope is a great carrot for me, but I’d be equally motivated by the “you’ll disappoint me if you fail.” This is just more reason why labels confuse me.

The second class on Rope speed and flow was particularly amazing. We were told that everyone was going to tie and be tied, which initially freaked me out. I’m by no means a rigger. I know some knots, and can manage to tie myself up, but tying other people up makes me really nervous. Despite my initial reservations, it was a helluva lot of fun. When I was able to figure out how to tie something differently, I got a little bit of a rush. It was also fun to try to immobilize my partner. I was actually surprised by how much I enjoyed it…I guess my inner switch came out a bit. I think a large part of why I was enjoying it so much was how much, even with rope and improved knot placement, my partner could still get out or trump me in some way. It’s sort of like a different type of resistance play. For example, with wrestling or take downs, one person subdues the other by force, and there’s a struggle for power. I liked that me tying was kind of like that, only I was armed with rope and was kind of duped into thinking I had some control by the initial acquiescence to my bondage. The whole thing just gave me lots of ideas for different fun scenarios. The rope could always be wrested away from me too…so many options!

I also think I could potentially enjoy service topping with rope, but I’m not really comfortable with it yet. I imagine it as a play-only (no sexual contact) thing with friends, but not really anything more.  At some point in the distant future, I’ll probably have to try my hand at topping through a whole scene, maybe with a flogger and rope or something. Thing is, I imagine feeling comfortable enough to do so with a female, but I’m not sexually interested in females, so it’d have to be sex-free, and that’s not usually what people want out of a scene. So maybe I could just co-top with someone else…I don’t know. All of this would be non-romantic, outside of any relationships, and non-sexual in nature on my end. I’m still definitely looking to be the bottom in any of my consistent situations, and switching would always be just for fun/play, not a sexual need like bottoming usually is for me. So, I’ll let that fester for a while and re-evaluate.

Sacrilege

This post is entirely inappropriate for posting on a religious holiday…but at least the play wasn’t on a cross?

In general, public play has always tended to be more pain-centric for me. In Pittsburgh, I was so new to things, and public play was always focused on impact play. In DC, I got a bit more adventurous with play, and there are so many more venues for public play. Thing is, whenever people tried to use a vibrator or get more sexual in nature in public, I froze up.  I now realize that I just wasn’t comfortable with those people touching me that way for some myriad of reasons. They were poly and had a primary, or we hadn’t played together more than once before, there wasn’t a connection (feeling objectified by someone for real, not for show, isn’t hot to me), or I just plain wasn’t sexually attracted to them at all. Even if we’re not about to jump into bed, I need to want the other person to touch me, which requires some level of attraction and comfort. Basically, I can’t get off from playing with just anyone, and while I might agree to play or practice rope or something with someone, that doesn’t mean I’ll react well to them touching me sexually.

I also think another part of my inability to get sexual in public was because pure pain, while cathartic, doesn’t get me sopping wet or anything.  I can attain a physical release from intense pain, but it doesn’t get me “ready to go” like other forms of play. This is part of why I’ve kind of strayed away from intense pain scenes since I first started realizing this a few months ago. Rope more than anything, however, has always evoked a more sensual response from me. Very intense or restrictive bondage makes me far hotter than pain does. Strangely enough, though, while rope was my “gateway” into BDSM in the first place, in my kink exploration it hasn’t been the focus. Since the first event I attended in Pittsburgh last January, I was preoccupied with exploring my masochistic side with rare exceptions. In DC, I attended rope events, but they were educational and it wasn’t “play.” Basically, public play with rope in a non-educational way has been a new experience for me over the last several weeks.

Anyhow, I came in public last night for the first time. I didn’t know I could do that, and it surprised me. I actually got turned on enough and was in the moment enough that I was able to focus only on the two of us and what we were doing, not the people around us or anything else. Then, ta-da, climax. And, have to say, not just a climax, but a really intense one compared to my orgasmic history. Part of me was turned on enough that I probably could have orgasmed at least one more time, but simultaneously the first one left me shaking considerably and a second probably would’ve left me hanging by the ropes alone.

So, good to know that’s possible.

In other news, 3.5 weeks from tomorrow I’ll be done with grad school!! Guess I need to stop procrastinating and do my presentation for tomorrow, then all I will have left for that class is attendance.

3/4

My capstone project has been the bane of my existence Friday and today. Group projects never really go smoothly all the time, but this one has been painful lately. Namely, I tried to raise a point that my other group members just dismissed, then today one of our advisors raised my exact point and now we’re switching paths.  It’s frustrating because it seems like people really have no faith that my concerns are legitimate and not just pulled out of my ass.

I do think, however, that I bring doubt on myself because of a lack of confidence in my own knowledge. I made my point clearly and repeatedly, and it was a logical argument (and apparently a correct one), but I was willing to back down from it. I didn’t trust that I was right and agreed that I could be wrong, whereas another more vocal member was more assertive and confident in his thought (even though he turned out to be off course). I think my own slight uncertainty encouraged the other members to dismiss my perspective.

This is a common female issue — women apologizing before asking a question or stating an opinion, or wrongful inflection making should-be statements into questions, etc. — but I need to get over it before I enter the professional world full time. This was an issue during important mock-interviews in undergrad, was raised again in speech class, and yet I still do it. I’m so afraid of appearing overconfident or being wrong that I lead others into not trusting my opinion. This is really not a good thing.

On the other hand, when I’m 100% sure of something, I can almost always convince others to go along with me. When I believe in something, I can pull out countless arguments and my passion alone tends to convince people. I just can’t claim that certainty when I don’t know that I have it; I’d need to go do all the research, line up all the evidence, and have rebuttals to counter-arguments first. This isn’t helpful during spur-of-the-moment debates or discussions, or when I have more knowledge than those around me even if I’m not an expert, as was the case here. I need to learn to accept that even though I may not be an expert in the subject, if my subject matter expertise is higher relative to those in the discussion, then I’m allowed to be “fully certain” when making my case.

I was reading up on this, and found this to be especially relevant and interesting:

Why it that some people, the Donald Trumps of the world, seem to believe only the best about themselves, while others—perhaps especially women, perhaps especially young women—seize on the most self-critical thoughts they can come up with? “It turns out there’s an area of your brain that’s assigned the task of negative thinking,” says Louann Brizendine, MD, a neuropsychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco, and the author of The Female Brain. “It’s judgmental. It says ‘I’m too fat’ or ‘I’m too old.’ It’s a barometer of every social interaction you have. It goes on red alert when the feedback you’re getting from other people isn’t going well.” This worrywart part of the brain is the anterior cingulate cortex. In women, it’s actually larger and more influential, as is the brain circuitry for observing emotions in others. “The reason we think females have more emotional sensitivity,” says Brizendine, “is that we’ve been built to be immediately responsive to the needs of a nonverbal infant. That can be both a good thing and a bad thing.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Why-Women-Have-Low-Self-Esteem-How-to-Feel-More-Confident#ixzz1oCxJTVMY

So, at least I’ll probably be a really good mom?

Other randoms:

  • My paper on nuclear reprocessing has reawakened my interest in international energy security and nonproliferation. I actually applied to grad school based on my interest in that topic, but chose to pursue a skills-based program instead of a research-centric one. I ended up stumbling into homeland security as a subject area, but I do still find energy security fascinating. I love reading up on it and talking about it, imaging a world with different policy decisions and altered political environments.
  • Dirty Things ranks as my second-favorite DC-area event, second only to Rapture (which is only first at this point because of my friendships with the people there). I had a fantastic time this weekend going to Baltimore for the event.  I really can’t imagine ever getting sick of rope, both watching and participating in play with it.*
  • I realized that while I see the world in a variety of gray – when presented with options, I always end up with some combination of the alternatives – when it comes to my participation in things I’m either all or nothing. I am fully engaged, or not engaged at all. I understand something or I don’t. I don’t do things halfway at all, even though I’m one of the biggest advocates for compromise and middle paths. Odd realization.

*It’s been a while since I’ve clarified on that, but whenever I talk about how much I love playing with rope, it’s really all contingent on who I’m playing with. Yes, playing with rope by itself can be fun (that’s why I own some), but there are certainly different levels of enjoyment depending on if it’s for practice, the connection I have with the other people involved, the surrounding environment, etc. and there are times when it isn’t enjoyable at all if one of those things is really off. I love rope and I’ll demo in a public learning environment for whoever needs a bottom, but real actual enjoyment (of the sensual sort or the relaxation sort) comes more from the “something more” that isn’t found with all and sundry.