Currently, my label on Fetlife reads “submissive.” I chose this label because a Dominant as a partner would be most likely to meet the majority of my needs. The reality, however, is that a variety of labels suit me depending on the time, place, and people involved. I don’t want a potential play partner or romantic interest to rule themselves out because of my label, hence this post. At the end of the day, I am who I am, and I could not care less about labels. Thing is, marketing is important in terms of addressing the right audiences. So, here goes.
Kink Labels, Roles, and Identities:
My primary role is submissive. You wouldn’t know it at first – I’m in no way the type to kneel down to everyone. I don’t call all Dominants “Sir” or “Ma’am.” I don’t submit during casual play. I’m very opinionated, independent, ambitious, energetic, and snarky. All that enthusiasm and passion goes towards pleasing my partner when I’m submitting to someone (with a side of humor), but it can be a bit intense at first. It takes someone with their shit together who is confident and unafraid of their own power for me to submit. I react strongly to powerful people. When I acknowledge someone’s authority over me, I surrender to it wholeheartedly. It’s just that because that level of vulnerability, intimacy, and devotion is such an intense thing, I don’t do so casually. I need to have a solid relationship foundation first. I’m currently seeking a Dominant man, preferably mostly monogamous, for a long term relationship. I’m not interested in full 24/7 D/s, but more of a bedroom-certain activities type of thing. I’m new to this, and have much room for growth.
My primary need is my masochism. I both love and hate this part of myself – I have a mixture of pride, shame, fear, lust, and excitement that all kind of go with it. At the end of the day, though, it’s an elemental part of who I am. Pain is a fantastic emotional release for me. It’s cathartic. When I’m stressed, pain forces me to be in the moment and relax enough to embrace it. With the right partner, pain is also pure pleasure for me. I can get off purely on pain sometimes. My biggest kinks relate back to my masochism (teasing and denial, nipple torture, covert bondage/teasing). I have a high pain tolerance, and I enjoy – need – to push those limits. It’s extremely difficult for me to find sadists to play with, which is frustrating. I need more than service tops pleasing me with pain; I need to know that the person administering the pain is getting off on giving it. I don’t want them to just hurt me until I cum – I want them to stop only if and when they want to, unless I safeword. I want my desire to please to be manipulated so I can take more. I want them to want me to suffer for them, and I want to endure for them. I’m seeking a Sadist who can push my limits to whom I’m sexually attracted and emotionally connected.
My primary fetish is rope bondage. I enjoy all bondage as a bottom (and am alway up for some time in chains/straps/cuffs), but rope is the big fetish. With rope, I switch. I enjoy tying and tying others. I enjoy rope for fun, for sex, or for restraint. I enjoy rope by itself – I’ll sleep with it sometimes. I enjoy the feel of it on my skin and the sensuality of it, the smell. I enjoy the possibilities, the stretching of muscles and testing of my flexibility. I like using it for leverage to grapple. I enjoy the options – you can be tied to anything! I love it, I get off on it, and I find peace in it. I’m always seeking more people to tie me up or to practice on, whether just for fun, for practice, or for a more elaborate scene.
My recreational kinky hobby is letting my inner sadist play. I like to play, to tease, and to have fun. I enjoy flogging others and sensory play. I like messing with knives, tickling, my nails, and wartenburg wheels. I like wrestling and winning, then taking advantage. I’m learning – I’m VERY new to topping – but I get a lot of giggly glee from messing with my friends. I have to really trust someone’s communicative abilities to do any of this, though. Most frequently, topping for me is a service thing or just for fun, I’m not into creating a really intense, fearful, surprising, creative scene…at least not right now. I’m not really seeking anything with this, but rather catch me in the right mood and I’ll give it a go.
My primary sexual identity is heteroflexible (code: mostly straight). There’s some flexibility there, but it’s selective. For the most part, I’m interested in forming romantic relationships with men, and I’m interested in sex with men. For kink, though, it’s a bit different. I’m only comfortable with above-the-waist sexual play with females, and I’m very new to it. It’s rare, but when I’m feeling it with someone I’m willing to go with it. I do enjoy scening with woman however, assuming a certain dynamic with them and mental connection. I find the tender, giggly sadism that woman tend to have very appealing.
Important Notes for Play:
- I don’t do pick-up play well…I find the idea of being one of a long list of appointments in an evening very distasteful. I prefer to play with friends, and make arrangements to play with them. I make exceptions if there’s a strong initial attraction, if I’m experimenting with something new with an expert, if I’m demo-ing, or if we have mutual friends who really recommend it. It comes down to attitude; when I “scene” with someone (not random experimentation, but an actual scene), I focus 100% on them, and I want the same in return. I don’t want to hear about other play dates scheduled and I don’t want to feel rushed. I want interruptions minimal and ignored as much as possible. I need to trust my partner, be comfortable with them, and not feel overly awkward (nerves are ok). I need to have a strong mental connection and some form of attraction, whether it be physical, intellectual, or something else. Point of this tangent – if you ask to play, I may put you off because of the above. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m not interested, but it may be too soon, the mood might not be right, or I may just not be comfortable with the particular location.
- Added to that, I don’t do sex in public, and I don’t do scenes where my sexual pleasure is the focus unless we are regular play partners. There are certain private play parties where this may vary, but that’s the exception not the rule. Don’t pull out vibrators for a scene in public – let me suggest them if I want them. Sexual touching without discussing it first makes me uncomfortable. Scening does not mean I’ve given you permission to mess with my nipples or genitals.
- Lastly, public humiliation and degradation aren’t my kinks. I like teasing and being flustered, I don’t like being made to feel worthless. I don’t like being condescended to. Face slapping, feet stepping on my face, crawling, bizarre/attention-drawing toys, writing on me, name-calling (other than ‘slut for me’ or ‘my slut’) – all are no. In a relationship, in private, they aren’t necessarily limits…but otherwise, no. It’s safer to ask before doing anything along these lines.