Day 6, 30 Days of Kink

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

I was thinking a lot about what to write for this, since for the kink community, my fantasies tend to be on the tamer side. I feel like that I suppose because I know a lot of people who are very interested in play-rape, breath play, blood play, and age play. I know folks who fantasize a lot about tentacle porn or anime. Me, on the other hand, I fantasize about control – bondage, teasing and denial, begging, being pinned down and physically dominated. In comparison to the aforementioned fetishes, my fantasies seem tame.

Anyhow, I have fantasized about a more extreme edge of orgasm denial that would be enhanced through very advanced toys. This is in no way something I want to act out (for a variety of reasons), but I do find the idea hot.

I’ve imagined that I’ve been captured by some powerful man (who of course is secretly compassionate, intelligent, romantic, attractive, and has a sense of humor – totally unrealistic, I know). He has me outfitted with this very tech-savvy bra and panty set that serve double-duty as chastity devices and toys. Both would be stainless steel. The bra would be entirely smooth on the outside and locked, and designed in such a way that I would in no way be able to touch my nipples. Inside, there would be a part that held the nipple. It could clamp down, use suction, stimulate with electric current, and apply heat or cold. The other inner lining could get hot or cold, vibrate, and massage. The entire thing could be controlled wirelessly/via computer or with pre-programmed sensors. The panty part would be designed in a similar fashion with the same abilities, only it would also have vaginal and anal probes. There would be a removable piece for using the bathroom, although it would require permission to be removed.

When first outfitted with the device, it would be tested by bringing me to climax several times using different settings. Afterwards, the toys could be set to bring me to the edge of climaxing without pushing me over. I would then be kept in this device, brought repeatedly to the edge, until the man returned from work. I’d have a list of things to accomplish during the day, and if I hadn’t done so successfully, I’d be punished.

I’m sure the rest can be filled in by your own imagination. Mainly, I like the idea of having no control over the sensations being applied to my body, including no way to make them stop. I think it’s sexy that someone else would have the power to make me desperately want to climax. The trust implicit in such an arrangement appeals on a mental level, and the helplessness factor turns me on. Things like that do make me feel more dark and twisty, though, so I usually don’t originate my own fantasies in that realm but just read some form of nonconsensual erotic fiction once in a blue moon to satisfy that dark desire.

I’ve already written a few of my more involved fantasies out, which can be found here. I’ve also posted a bit on a few different themes that recur for me, see Fantasies.


My friend’s wedding was this weekend. I’m very happy for her. She was beautiful, the setting was gorgeous, and it was great to see old friends. It was heartbreaking that her mother wasn’t there, especially since she danced with her dad to “I Remember.” Other than that, it was a frustrating experience. I was invited to be a part of the wedding as a bridesmaid originally, but the whole weekend I was not included as a real part of the bridal party – wasn’t introduced with the party at the reception, wasn’t in the program as a bridesmaid, didn’t receive the pre-wedding jewelry, and wasn’t included in the wedding party photos. I mean really, the bride didn’t care enough about me being a part of the memory to include me in the group photos? I only wish she had made it clear up front that she felt that way, and I would’ve declined being part of the wedding at all and saved myself the $1200 I spent (no exaggeration, unfortunately) on this wedding.

With that, I really hope that my other friends getting married remember that a wedding is supposed to be a celebration of your love with your partner. It’s about rejoicing with your friends and family that you’ve found your other half. The emphasis should be on the marriage, not the wedding. The wedding is one day/night, and the marriage lasts (hopefully) a lifetime. So, spending ridiculous amounts of money and getting incredibly freaked out seems like a waste of time. All the small things don’t matter in the long run!

In other news, I checked my mail tonight for the first time in a while, and had mail from the agency I worked for during most of the year. I was mailed an award for my work on one of our projects, which was awesome! I had no idea I was being awarded anything. It’s really nice for them to acknowledge the time and energy I put in for them. Plus, it’s from the managing director of our team, which is pretty high up. This should definitely help me in my endeavors to return back to this agency once they start hiring :).

Other things are all lined up and working out. I have an apartment lined up including a move-in date set. Rapture is coming up, and some rope experts are visiting in early June. I’m going home, visiting my grandmother, and then graduating with my Masters. I’m going to visit family in Boston, and a good friend is going to visit me in DC. Then, I start my new job and have Dark Odyssey: Fusion. In the last weeks of June, I’ll be able to settle down and I won’t be doing any traveling/visiting for a good long while and the real fun can begin! I’m hoping to spend at least one weekend at MD/DE beach this summer, rent a boat for a day, catch an Orioles game, and enjoy all DC has to offer. Summer is the best, what with Jazz in the Park, fireworks, etc.

And to throw in some kink, I’m really enjoying playing and experimenting with electrical play. It’s another one of those things that I didn’t start out fantasizing about, although I’d always been curious about it (I’m curious about everything…). I did read an ebook once where a girl was hooked up to an electrical unit – attached to her nipples, clit, and anal/vaginal probes – and then the settings were put just high enough to sexually stimulate without taking her over the edge. She was left that way for hours as payback for an investigation gone awry. I found it incredibly hot, but more for the teasing/denial than anything else. Well, turns out the electricity can be pretty hot in and of itself.

There are different types of electrical toys, and they’re all very different. Tens Units stimulate deep within the tissues and muscles, and cause involuntary contractions. Violet wands, on the other hand, are more immediately painful/reactive and stimulate the surface of tissues. I’m really curious about using the tens units around the nipples or immediately around the clit. I’m also really intrigued by the idea of insertables for either piece of equipment. I very much enjoyed feeling the violet wand on my nipples, which are incredibly sensitive and delightfully responsive to pain; I’m almost positive I could climax just from that. It’s almost enough to buy my own toy, although I don’t know that I’d maintain enough sanity and control of my movement to be able to even use it on myself. I’m still not into stun guns, cattle prods, and tasers, though – they’re all still way off-limits (if not for the sound alone)!

I’ve also gotten to the point where rope is my safe place. I mean, I’ve always been able to find peace in being tied up – something about being forced to focus on the moment – but it’s more than that, now. When things go poorly or I have a terrible day, I can find  comfort in rope. It calms me down and can cheer me up. It also can arouse the hell out of me…but it’s strange that something so mundane can have such an intense, visceral reaction. It really makes me feel kinky. I like to placate myself into feeling “normal” by thinking about how the toys and tools of the BDSM trade are just icing on the “I like strong, power-wielding men” cake. At the end of the day, though, I’m just as kinky as the rest of the BDSM community. I may have to acknowledge an actual fetish for rope. Hopefully, I can not feel too weirded out by the fact that I have fetishes. It seems so much more extreme than saying I’m kinky, and I really don’t know why the words have such vastly different connotations in my mind. Something to explore later, perhaps.

Day 2, 30 Days of Kink

Day 2: List your kinks.

Well, I’ve done that before; see my Fetishes and Limits post. Or, better yet, see my fetlife profile.

But hey, in the interest of this exercise, I’ll do it again.

My biggest kink is bondage. Continue reading

Bittersweet Symphony

Frustrating: Finding a great play partner, and then moving. It’s unfortunate, especially because I think he’d be willing to push my limits, and I’d feel comfortable enough to let him.

Belt Spanking : Yes.

Hair Pulling : Yes x100.

Rope Bondage : YES.

Being pinned down, tickled, teased, and generally toyed with : Yes.

*Shiver* So fun, so good.

Playing is fun

Shocker, right?

I’m in a spank-happy place right now. I can only imagine what it would be like to have pain regularly…I think I would be a lot more centered.

I also have yet to experience significant pain while being bound, or while being sexually stimulated. I can only imagine the type of reaction it will bring. Whoever gets to be that lucky man will have to be prepared. Someday!

Besides that, I’ve had a great weekend! I did all my homework (kicked some ass at this hard monte carlo/crystal ball forecasting stuff), did laundry, grocery shopped, made awesome dinner with friends, hung out with some kinky folk, did more homework, hung out with different kinky folk, discovered a new part of town, saw the movie “Paul,” got to roll around in a grocery cart, and got to enjoy some sadistic teasing and spanking.  Productivity and fun in a bunch of ways – what more could I want?

Nipple Torment Fantasy

Fantasizing about a sadistic lover tormenting my breasts and nipples just…*does* it for me. That’s what did it last night. I posted that link to a thread on fetlife a few days ago, and certain aspects just stuck in my mind. Begin fantasy here…


I imagined being bound spreadeagled to a cross type of furniture, gagged, entirely immobile and barely even able to struggle. The blindfold was left off so I could be further tormented by my Dom’s eyes…eye contact is always a struggle for me, and the embarrassment and surrender I feel when making eye contact with a Dom who has just the right evil glint in his eyes, the power he can communicate in that way, the amusement or arousal – anyhow, blindfold off.

It was my first time playing with said Dom, and he was ready to tease me – in words and actions. He gently caressed my body – his fingers moving just lightly enough to tickle and raise goosebumps on my flesh. He tweaked my nipples, than steadily pushed a bullet vibrator into my cunt. He didn’t turn it on yet, and he made certain that no part of the toy was touching my clit. He circled my clit widely, enough to make me shudder, but moved away directly after.

He then started manhandling my breasts while talking to me in a cocky, slightly amused voice that was husky with arousal. I imagined him saying something to the effect of “There are three things that get me off. One, playing with these tits in any way I please.”

He then spent several minutes fondling, groping, and squeezing my breasts – ignoring the nipples, just treating them literally like toys of his to play with. When I was squirming a bit in arousal, he moved on. He pinched both of my nipples simultaneously, hard enough for me to utter a muffled shriek through my gag. “Second, I love tormenting and torturing nipples.” He then spent at least 10 minutes just pinching, twisting, rubbing, rolling, nibbling, and biting my nipples until I was pulling against my restraints and moaning through the gag.

At this point, he switched on the vibrator to it’s lowest setting. With no clitoral stimulation, this just pushed the arousal a step further without pushing me over the edge. “Lastly, I love the type of suffering a submissive goes through as I tease her for hours…I’m a sadist not just for direct pain, but for the pain of teasing and denial.” He flicked my clit just lightly, and turned off the vibrator again as his fingers moved back up to my nipples. With the gleam in his eye, I knew the torment was just beginning.


Knowing that he had the control to not let me climax at all, that tormenting me and watching me suffer his sadistic delights was pleasing him, knowing that he was getting off on making me wait and squirm and beg for mercy…yeah, hot.

Snowed In, Original Erotica

This is based on some inspiration I had from a friend the other day. I’ve used “Sir” instead of a name so that it is easier to imagine yourself in the place of the characters. Please give feedback, I’m always working on improving my writing.

It’d been storming outside for what seemed like days. Thankfully, my Dom and I had been well prepared – we knew what was coming, so we stocked up on movies and groceries. Personally, I love nights like this, when the snow is falling and the world outside looks crystallized and beautiful. I love it even more when I can stay inside with friends or family and spend time together, warm and snug inside away from the chill.

Last night was night one of being snowed in, and we spent the evening curled up on the couch, rather low key. Today we both had felt a bit of cabin fever, so I’m not sure how long the peaceful, calm atmosphere will last. I know my fidgeting increased the longer I’d been inside, and my Dom was probably ready to either smack me or tie me down…things that we both enjoy.

I was in the kitchen just finishing cleaning up from dinner when Sir came into the room and proceeded to quite literally drag me to the bedroom. He whipped out a pair of handcuffs, and before I knew it I was attached to the bed. With a curiously evil grin, Sir told me to rest up and sleep, because I’d need the energy for later. I *love* that look – it makes me squirmy.

Part of me wanted to stay up, out of some stubborn resistance to being put to bed…but I surrendered to the submissive side of myself and curled up on my Dom’s pillow and passed out.

Several hours later, I awoke to my Dom gently kissing my neck. When I stretched awake, shuddering from his attentions, he moved and passionately kissed me on lips. I couldn’t help but shudder again, my arousal being stirred from the combination of his talented tongue, wandering hands, and the helplessness from being handcuffed to the bed. I could feel my hips seeking out his, and cursed myself for how easily he could get me hot and bothered.

I felt Sir pull away, and suddenly my world went black as he tied a blindfold around my head. I could feel him pulling off my jeans and panties, and then he uncuffed me. “Don’t move,” he softly commanded (as if I’d want to, with my sexy Dom undressing me).

Once I was entirely undressed, he threw me for a loop, and I could feel him putting socks on. He recuffed my hands behind my back, this time using constable cuffs. I started to get a tad nervous – usually the constable cuffs were for when there would be protesting involved, as they made it easier for him to control me. Sir pulled me to my feet, and then led me out of the bedroom; I couldn’t really tell where we were going. I heard some rustling, and then Sir sat me down on something.

I started to figure it out when I could feel my winter boots being pulled on. Now, I start to question him, but he quickly cuts me off with another passionate kiss. Before I have a chance to say anything else, Sir pushes a ball gag gently into my mouth. “Wouldn’t want the neighbors to hear, would we?” he murmurs into my ear as he pulls mittens onto my hands.

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the ball gag. On the one hand, it makes me feel deliciously helpless. I also sort of hate how it makes me drool, and how humiliating the experience can be. But, I enjoy being able to make noise without worrying about being too loud.

At this point, I started getting really nervous. I know it is late in the evening, probably the middle of the night, and no one will be outside. Even so, we don’t have that much privacy in our yard. More than that, it’s cold. Very cold. And I know that I’m probably not going to be getting any more clothes than what I have on, which leaves much to be desired.

Sir pulls off the blindfold and looks in my eyes; he still has this mischievous glint in them that is unbearably sexy, but it doesn’t quite calm my unease about the cold. “Do you trust me?” he asks. I nod, because I do trust him. I know he won’t let me get frostbite or push me too far. He reaches down and pulls on my nipples roughly, making them stand hard at attention. I can’t help but moan slightly through the gag, my arousal heating up yet again.

The time has come, and Sir grabs hold of my cuffs and pulls me with him as he steps outside.

For the rest: