This post is entirely inappropriate for posting on a religious holiday…but at least the play wasn’t on a cross?

In general, public play has always tended to be more pain-centric for me. In Pittsburgh, I was so new to things, and public play was always focused on impact play. In DC, I got a bit more adventurous with play, and there are so many more venues for public play. Thing is, whenever people tried to use a vibrator or get more sexual in nature in public, I froze up.  I now realize that I just wasn’t comfortable with those people touching me that way for some myriad of reasons. They were poly and had a primary, or we hadn’t played together more than once before, there wasn’t a connection (feeling objectified by someone for real, not for show, isn’t hot to me), or I just plain wasn’t sexually attracted to them at all. Even if we’re not about to jump into bed, I need to want the other person to touch me, which requires some level of attraction and comfort. Basically, I can’t get off from playing with just anyone, and while I might agree to play or practice rope or something with someone, that doesn’t mean I’ll react well to them touching me sexually.

I also think another part of my inability to get sexual in public was because pure pain, while cathartic, doesn’t get me sopping wet or anything.  I can attain a physical release from intense pain, but it doesn’t get me “ready to go” like other forms of play. This is part of why I’ve kind of strayed away from intense pain scenes since I first started realizing this a few months ago. Rope more than anything, however, has always evoked a more sensual response from me. Very intense or restrictive bondage makes me far hotter than pain does. Strangely enough, though, while rope was my “gateway” into BDSM in the first place, in my kink exploration it hasn’t been the focus. Since the first event I attended in Pittsburgh last January, I was preoccupied with exploring my masochistic side with rare exceptions. In DC, I attended rope events, but they were educational and it wasn’t “play.” Basically, public play with rope in a non-educational way has been a new experience for me over the last several weeks.

Anyhow, I came in public last night for the first time. I didn’t know I could do that, and it surprised me. I actually got turned on enough and was in the moment enough that I was able to focus only on the two of us and what we were doing, not the people around us or anything else. Then, ta-da, climax. And, have to say, not just a climax, but a really intense one compared to my orgasmic history. Part of me was turned on enough that I probably could have orgasmed at least one more time, but simultaneously the first one left me shaking considerably and a second probably would’ve left me hanging by the ropes alone.

So, good to know that’s possible.

In other news, 3.5 weeks from tomorrow I’ll be done with grad school!! Guess I need to stop procrastinating and do my presentation for tomorrow, then all I will have left for that class is attendance.

10 Thoughts of the Day

Another random conglomeration of thoughts and opinions.

  1. In management science, we learned how to evaluate efficiency and make improvements. I love it. There are still aspects I don’t understand, but it’s really neat to see how you can compare brands via inputs, outputs, and comparisons.
  2. I wish more people understood the difference between arguing and debating.
  3. I strongly dislike that many of the men in my acquaintance fail to see a gray area between “casual sex” and “marriage.” It IS possible to want a relationship that takes life as it comes, and develops without trying to force it in a specific direction. There CAN BE an in-between.
  4. I miss the self I was when I was in show-choir, when I loved performing and being on stage, when I got off from getting attention, and shyness was non-existent. I regained inhibitions in college, and it kind of sucks.
  5. I’ve been invited to play a D&D type of game, which I’ve never done before. I don’t know how to play, and I’ve never played before, but I don’t want to judge things without trying them. I was trying to read up on it, but it seems kind of difficult, so I’m not sure how good I’ll be. I may be too inhibited for it.
  6. Which brings me to – why do we judge people for playing video or RPG games? I will admit I’ve done this in the past, when I worked for EB games. So many people didn’t shower, or were crazy awkward, or presumptive about my affections, etc. But, a lot of people play games without sacrificing their lives to it. I’ve taken to just thinking of it as a hobby, similar to how I can get lost reading a good book for hours, or watching a TV show on DVD.  Just because people play these things doesn’t mean they are weird.
  7. I dislike oatmeal, and apparently that is a crime to the kids in my grad program…to that point, here’s a fun article that happened to go with the thoughts.
  8. Sometimes I wonder if I should refrain from giving money to businesses or sports teams or entertainers who I disagree with. I don’t have a definitive opinion on this, just the thought crosses my mind.
  9. I had to tell a friend that a guy she dated isn’t interested in her…it was awful. I hate how involved I was in the whole thing. But, he was just going to “back off and let her figure it out,” and she was wondering non-stop about when he’d call for a second date, to the point of getting sick about it. She got (rightfully) upset about it, and I tried to be there for her.
  10. I haven’t seen a movie in a very long time. I really want to see the Natalie Portman chick flick, The King’s Speech, or True Grit. I also still want to see Secretary (preferably while all “tied up”).