Recipe Recap

I’ve been cooking a ton lately, especially since moving in with the dude. I don’t have photos of everything (oops), but here’s a snapshot of a few recipes.

cheese board funfetti blondie

We are loving grilled pizza - it's so easy! The best so far was ham and pineapple.

We are loving grilled pizza – it’s so easy! The best so far was ham and pineapple.

Family recipe...mmm.

Family recipe…mmm.

shrimp final

This is grilled rice balls and asian glazed shrimp (bonefish grill knock off). The rice balls were made of sushi rice and then brushed in mirin/soy/butter. So yummy - if you can get them to stay together on the grill :).

This is grilled rice balls and asian glazed shrimp (bonefish grill knock off). The rice balls were made of sushi rice and then brushed in mirin/soy/butter. So yummy – if you can get them to stay together on the grill :).

It’s Hard to Get Help

In therapy escapades, I finally saw a therapist I think I like.

I tried two others before this, and it’s been an adventure, to say the least. Trying to find a therapist who is in-network for my insurance, is taking new clients, and has amenable hours is ridiculous enough. The first person I saw was a Licensed Social Work Counselor who was only a few years older than me. She was nice, but I had to leave work early to go see her, and I felt like all she focused on was my mom. Grief is indeed an issue for me, but the bigger issue is my inability to deal with uncertainty and ask for help/share my emotions with folks. So, away she went. The second person had really weird, inconsistent times available and her husband works at my same agency. I felt like I had to maintain a certain sense of togetherness, and I never could open up to her honestly. Not good. When I was lamenting this to a friend, she recommended her guy, who miraculously takes my insurance and will take new clients if they are direct referrals. (Yay friends! See, this is what happens when I ask for help – I get it, and progress is made. If only my brain could actually permanently grasp that.)

I was very hesitant to see a male therapist, because apparently I’m sort of sexist. I thought I’d be too uncomfortable to share. The first session was sort of stiff, at least on my end it was. The second, though, was far better. Some of the things he said actually stuck with me, which is the goal, and motivated me enough to think and reflect on my own. Finally! So, hopefully he’ll be a keeper. He’s also close to my house and has evening, regular hours, which is great. I hated having to leave work early and worry about driving to random VA or downtown-DC places.

In our second session, we were talking about my week, and things that made me feel strongly. We ended up talking about my dad, his insensitivity, and his general absence from my life, which melded into general feelings of lack of support/aloneness. I got emotional, but sort of held it in how I normally do. A bit later, he was talking about how if that was only 25% of what I was feeling, then the people around me are making decisions and thinking as if that 25% is all I’m feeling, which isn’t true, and is why I need to be better at expressing myself. Moreover, I shouldn’t feel shitty about crying. He was like “we’re talking about your dead mother, distanced dad, and lack of support – doesn’t that seem pretty heavy? do you think crying because of those topics isn’t a normal reaction?” Which may seem obvious, but to me, was illustrative. If I’d been talking about those topics with someone else and they weren’t crying or displaying emotion, I would think it isn’t a big deal or think they’re broken…so why isn’t it OK for me to display them? I’ve got a long way to go before I’m OK with and comfortable with that type of emotion, but I have faith this guy can get me there.

Interesting sidenote…I’ve definitely used pain/S&m to force myself to express emotions so that I could better control my emotions in other situations. While that worked in the past, and may work in some situations in the future, it fell to shit when my mom died. When I need help but I have issues asking for it, and I’m shit at expressing emotion so people don’t see me crying (which may trigger them offering support before I ask for it), I end up sad and lonely and no pain or kink can fix that.

Tuesday Ten: (Fun) Things I’d Buy With Endless Money

  1. weekly luxurious flower deliveries, and flowers to friends for moving, hospitalization, death, break up, birthday, and valentine’s day
  2. massage and mani/pedi once per week, brazilian every 5 weeks, and haircut every 10 weeks
  3. in-home personal training 3x/week
  4. beautiful sconces, lamps, and chandeliers with crystal accenting for around my house
  5. outdoor couch, indoor-outdoor rug, string lights, fire pit, and torches for the patio
  6. valentino pumps
  7. burberry bag
  8. once a month sit-down multi-course fancy dinner and play/musical
  9. alllll the ubers and taxis whenever I go around the city – or, hey, why not a driver?
  10. In lieu of the above (or in addition to?), a glorious tesla convertible

Tuesday Ten: Things Annoying Me Lately

  1. People who only respond to half of an email’s content
  2. The fact that I’ll wait 90 days for a library ebook only for 6 books to all come available at the same time – and there’s no option to pass for one lending period, you just have to wait another 90 days
  3. People who speak so slowly you lose track of what they’re saying
  4. Anything sticky…counters, floors, stickers
  5. Bugs: mosquitos, ants, roaches, spiders, fruit flies – name your beast
  6. Having so many meetings at work that I can’t work on anything beyond setting up meetings, debriefing them, following up on them, etc.
  7. Being too sleepy for sex (me or the dude)
  8. Waiting a full year for TV shows to come back (I’m looking at you Game of Thrones and Orange is the New Black)
  9. Feeling like I’m always the one initiating plans with friends
  10. The cost of fresh flowers

Tuesday Ten: Activities to do with Visitors to DC

  1. Annapolis – walk around the harbor with Kilwin’s ice cream, go to Cantler’s for crabs, and take a ride on the schooner woodwind (http://www.schoonerwoodwind.com/)
  2. Harpers Ferry – walk around historic Harpers Ferry, check out Cardamon Family Vineyards (they pair salsa with wine!), and go tubing
  3. Union Market in DC paired with a tour of Dolcezza’s gelato factory
  4. Eastern Market – walk around, eat brunch, walk over to peruse the capitol/supreme court/library of congress
  5. One museum during the day, monument walking at night
  6. Georgetown – high tea or drunk brunch, kayaking, window-shopping
  7. Kennedy Center or Wolf Trap
  8. DC Improv, Arlington Drafthouse, or downtown stand up happy hour
  9. National Harbor – piano bar, shopping, ferris wheel
  10. Baltimore – casino, aquarium, fells point, harbor cruise

Tuesday Ten: Books My Book Club Discussed But Did Not (yet) Choose, Continued

  1. The Humor Code: A Global Search for What Makes Things Funny by Peter McGraw and Joel Warner
  2. The Hot Zone by Richard Preston
  3. The Poisoner’s Handbook: Murder and the Birth of Forensic Science in Jazz Age New York by Deborah Blume
  4. In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror, and an American Family in Hitler’s Berlin by Erik Lawson
  5. The Passage: A Novel by Justin Cronin
  6. Quirkology: How we Discover the Big Truths in Small Things by Richard Wiseman
  7. The Professor, the Banker, and the Suicide King: Inside the Richest Poker Game of All Time by Michael Craig
  8. Damned by Chuck Palahniuk
  9. The Strain by Guillermo Del Toro
  10. Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand